The idea of willingly embracing incompetence might seem counterintuitive. However, there's a profound truth hidden within this paradox: "The best way to become great at something is to suck at it with enthusiasm." These wise words by Authenticity Empowerment Coach Mindy Aisling encourage us to shatter the fear of failure and boldly venture into uncharted territories, accepting that stumbling is an integral part of the journey towards excellence.

Embracing the Unknown
As human beings, we tend to stick to what we know and excel at, avoiding situations where our competence may be in question. We avoid the discomfort of feeling like a beginner because it threatens our sense of self-worth and competence. However, it's precisely this fear that often hinders personal growth and prevents us from discovering new talents and passions.

Embracing the unknown is a crucial step in personal development. When you decide to embark on a new journey, whether it's picking up a musical instrument, trying a new sport, or learning a foreign language, you are essentially choosing to leave the safety of your comfort zone. It's important to acknowledge that at the beginning of any such endeavor, you're likely to be far from proficient. You might even "suck" at it, as Mindy Aisling suggests. But this is where the magic happens.

The Power of Enthusiastic Sucking

To "suck" at something means to perform poorly or unskillfully in the initial stages. It means making mistakes, fumbling, and perhaps even feeling a bit foolish. But here's the key: it's okay to suck at something when you're just starting. In fact, it's more than okay—it's essential.

When you embrace the process of learning with enthusiasm, you open yourself up to a world of possibilities. Enthusiastic sucking is not about accepting mediocrity; it's about recognizing that the path to mastery is paved with failures, missteps, and countless setbacks. These are the building blocks of success.

The Learning Curve

Every skill or talent has a learning curve. It's a graphical representation of your progress, and it often starts with a steep climb from the bottom, where you might feel completely out of your depth. This is where most people give up or shy away from trying something new. But this is also where the growth happens.

Think about a child learning to walk. In the beginning, they wobble, stumble, and fall repeatedly. But they don't give up. They keep trying, fueled by their curiosity and determination. Eventually, they become proficient walkers. The same principle applies to adults learning new skills or mastering new endeavors.

Overcoming Fear of Failure

The fear of failure is a powerful psychological barrier. It can prevent you from taking that first step toward something you've always wanted to try. However, when you acknowledge that failure is not the end but a stepping stone to success, you can start to shift your perspective.

Failure teaches valuable lessons. It shows you what doesn't work, allowing you to make adjustments and try again. Each "sucky" attempt brings you one step closer to improvement. The key is to maintain your enthusiasm throughout the process, even when things get tough. As you gain experience and learn from your mistakes, you'll gradually find yourself moving up the learning curve.

Building Resilience and Confidence

Embracing enthusiastic sucking also builds resilience and self-confidence. When you're willing to endure the initial discomfort of incompetence and keep pushing forward, you develop grit and determination. These qualities not only serve you well in your current endeavor but can also be applied to other areas of your life.

As you make progress and see your skills improve, your self-confidence naturally grows. You start to believe in your ability to conquer challenges, and this newfound confidence spills over into various aspects of your life. You become a more adaptable and capable individual.

So, be brave enough to suck at something new. Embrace the discomfort of incompetence with enthusiasm, knowing that it's a temporary stage on your journey to mastery. Mindy Aisling's wise words remind us that greatness is born from a willingness to face our limitations head-on and to keep pushing forward, even when we feel like we're far from achieving excellence. Remember, it's not about how you start; it's about how you persist and evolve along the way. In the end, you'll not only become great at what you set out to do but also discover the incredible strength and resilience within yourself.

In a world that often romanticizes the idea of eternal love and "happily ever after," the notion of ending a relationship can be met with skepticism and sadness. However, it's essential to recognize that there are circumstances when ending a relationship can actually be a positive and transformative step. In fact, staying in a relationship beyond the point of healthy uncoupling can be detrimental to the mental and emotional health of the partners (and children) in the marriage. The Christianization of our society has sold us a story that shames the naturally occurring ending of some relationships - this is not a story that you have to accept. It's okay for you to feel positive as you move forward to end your marriage or long-term relationship.  While, of course, the decision is never taken lightly, here are some reasons why ending a relationship can be a good thing:

1. Personal Growth and Self-Discovery. Relationships provide a unique mirror through which we see ourselves and our behaviors reflected. When a relationship reaches a point where growth and self-discovery are stunted or hindered, ending it can open doors to personal development. The process of healing and moving forward can encourage individuals to explore their own aspirations, passions, and strengths that might have been overshadowed within the confines of the relationship.
2. Toxic Dynamics and Unhappiness​. Not all relationships are healthy or conducive to well-being. Toxic dynamics marked by emotional abuse, manipulation, or constant conflicts can erode the mental and emotional health of both partners. Ending such a relationship becomes a critical step in reclaiming one's self-esteem, peace of mind, and happiness.
3. Divergent Life Paths. As time passes, individuals may evolve in different directions with distinct life goals and values. A relationship that was once harmonious might no longer align with the aspirations of both partners. In such cases, ending the relationship can allow each person to pursue their dreams and life paths independently, without compromising their individual identities.
4. Emotional and Mental Well-being. A thriving relationship should contribute positively to one's emotional and mental well-being. However, when a partnership begins to cause excessive stress, anxiety, or depression, it becomes counterproductive. Prioritizing emotional and mental health often means recognizing when a relationship is taking a toll and making the difficult choice to end it.
5. Creating Space for Positive Relationships. Just as clearing clutter creates space for new possibilities, ending a relationship can create space for healthier connections to enter your life. It's an opportunity to engage with others who resonate with your values, interests, and aspirations. Embracing change opens the door to new friendships, romantic partnerships, and enriching experiences.
6. Preventing Stagnation. A relationship that is no longer fulfilling can lead to emotional stagnation and complacency. The discomfort of ending a relationship can act as a catalyst for personal reinvention and exploration. It encourages individuals to step out of their comfort zones, take risks, and seek experiences that invigorate their lives.
7. Respecting Boundaries and Autonomy. Every individual deserves to be in a relationship where their boundaries and autonomy are respected. Ending a relationship that disregards these fundamental principles is an act of self-respect. It communicates the value of personal agency and reminds both partners that a healthy partnership should be built on mutual respect and consideration.

Have you ever experienced that overwhelming wave of discomfort and regret after opening up and being vulnerable? That gnawing feeling that maybe you revealed too much or shared something that should have remained hidden? Welcome to the realm of the vulnerability hangover, a phenomenon that many of us have encountered but few truly understand. Let's delve into what a vulnerability hangover is and explore strategies to overcome it.

Understanding the Vulnerability Hangover
The term "vulnerability hangover" was coined by Brené Brown, a renowned researcher and storyteller who has extensively studied vulnerability, shame, and courage. This phenomenon refers to the intense feeling of emotional discomfort or even regret that follows after we've shared something personal, authentic, or vulnerable with others. It's that sinking sensation that leaves us questioning our decision to be open and exposed.

Why Does It Happen?
Vulnerability hangovers arise from a collision of emotions. When we share something personal or authentic, we open ourselves to the possibility of judgment, rejection, or misunderstanding. Our brain's natural response to potential threats is to trigger discomfort, anxiety, and even shame. This is a survival mechanism, but in the context of vulnerability, it can manifest as a vulnerability hangover.

Curing the Vulnerability Hangover
While the vulnerability hangover can be uncomfortable, it's important to recognize that it's a sign of growth and courage. It indicates that you've stepped out of your comfort zone and allowed yourself to be seen authentically. Here are strategies to help you navigate and cure the vulnerability hangover:

1. Self-Compassion:
Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that feeling vulnerable is a natural part of being human. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a close friend who's experiencing a similar situation.

2. Reflect:
Take some time to reflect on why you chose to be vulnerable in the first place. What was the intention behind sharing your thoughts or experiences? Often, recognizing the positive reasons behind your actions can help alleviate the discomfort.

3. Normalize It:
Understand that vulnerability hangovers are common, especially when we step outside our comfort zones. Knowing that others experience this too can reduce the feeling of isolation.

4. Challenge Negative Thoughts:
If you find yourself dwelling on negative thoughts or self-criticism, challenge them. Consider whether those thoughts are based on facts or if they're being blown out of proportion by your vulnerability hangover.

5. Seek Support:
Talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling. Sharing your vulnerability hangover experience with a friend or confidant can help you process your emotions and gain a different perspective.

6. Embrace Growth:
Remind yourself that vulnerability is a catalyst for personal growth and connection. The discomfort you're feeling is a sign that you're pushing boundaries and evolving as an individual.

7. Stay Present:
Practice mindfulness techniques to stay present and grounded. Focusing on the here and now can help alleviate the anxiety associated with a vulnerability hangover.

8. Practice Gradual Exposure:
If vulnerability hangovers are a recurring issue for you, consider practicing gradual exposure. Start by sharing smaller, less intense vulnerabilities before gradually working your way up to more personal topics.

9. Embrace Imperfection:
Recognize that nobody has it all figured out. Embrace your imperfections and understand that vulnerability is a sign of authenticity, not weakness.

10. Celebrate Courage:
Acknowledge and celebrate the courage it took to be vulnerable. Focus on the bravery you demonstrated rather than fixating on any perceived shortcomings.

The vulnerability hangover may be uncomfortable, but it's a testament to your willingness to be genuine and open with others. Instead of allowing it to hold you back, use it as a stepping stone toward personal growth and deeper connections. By practicing self-compassion, reframing your thoughts, and celebrating your courage, you can navigate vulnerability hangovers and reap the rewards of living an authentic and fulfilling life.

Showing up 100% means bringing our true selves to every situation and interaction. However, it's important to acknowledge that authenticity is not a static concept. Our moods, experiences, and circumstances can vary from day to day, making the way we show up 100% uniquely different each day. Showing up 100% can manifest in various ways and it is essential to honor our ever-changing authenticity.

➡️ Honoring Emotional Authenticity: Emotions are an inherent part of the human experience, and they fluctuate constantly. Showing up 100% means acknowledging and accepting our emotions without judgment. Some days, it might mean showing up with enthusiasm, radiating positivity, and spreading joy. Other days, it could involve embracing vulnerability and expressing sadness or frustration. Authenticity lies in allowing ourselves to feel and express our emotions genuinely, regardless of societal expectations.

➡️Adapting to Circumstances: Life is unpredictable, and our circumstances can vary greatly from day to day. Showing up 100% requires adaptability and flexibility. It means recognizing that our energy levels, external pressures, and personal responsibilities fluctuate, influencing the way we engage with the world. Sometimes, showing up 100% means offering support and guidance to others when they need it, while other times, it might involve prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries to protect our well-being.

➡️Embracing Personal Growth: Authenticity is not stagnant; it evolves as we grow and learn. Showing up 100% means embracing our journey of personal growth and allowing ourselves to change. Each day presents an opportunity for self-reflection and introspection. We may discover new passions, challenge long-held beliefs, or reassess our goals. Showing up authentically involves being open to these changes, even if they lead us down unfamiliar paths.

➡️ Practicing Self-Compassion: Self-compassion is integral to showing up 100% every day. It means acknowledging that we are human and that we have limitations. Some days, we might feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or lacking motivation. Showing up 100% does not mean pushing ourselves beyond our limits but rather accepting and nurturing ourselves with kindness and understanding. It means granting ourselves permission to rest, recharge, and seek support when needed.

➡️ Embracing Imperfection: Perfection is an illusion that hinders authenticity. Showing up 100% means embracing our imperfections and embracing the messiness of life. It involves accepting that some days may be more challenging than others, and that's okay. Authenticity is not about flawlessness, but rather about being genuine and true to ourselves in each moment.

Showing up 100% is a powerful practice that allows us to embrace our authenticity and live in alignment with our true selves. It is a dynamic and ever-changing process that honors our emotions, adapts to circumstances, embraces personal growth, practices self-compassion, and embraces imperfection. By acknowledging and accepting that showing up 100% looks different every day, we grant ourselves the freedom to live authentically, without the pressure of conforming to rigid expectations. 

Establishing and maintaining personal boundaries is vital for our emotional well-being and healthy relationships. Boundaries help define our limits, protect our values, and ensure that our needs are respected. However, it's not always easy to recognize when our boundaries are being crossed. Fortunately, our emotions can serve as valuable signals, providing us with important cues that alert us to potential boundary violations. Below I will outline some common feelings that arise when our boundaries are being crossed and discuss their significance in helping us protect our boundaries and maintain healthier relationships.

Masking requires neurodivergent individuals to constantly suppress their true selves, which can be mentally and emotionally draining. The effort to mimic neurotypical behavior and suppress natural tendencies can lead to a sense of disconnection from one's authentic identity. This ongoing struggle often results in increased anxiety, depression, and overall psychological distress. Furthermore, the perpetual demand to mask can create a pervasive feeling of inadequacy and can undermine an individual's self-esteem.

The expectation to mask can also obscure the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals. When someone successfully masks their differences, their struggles may go unnoticed, leading others to assume that they do not require accommodations or support. As a result, neurodivergent individuals may find it harder to receive the necessary understanding, resources, and accommodations that would otherwise help them thrive.

By pressuring neurodivergent individuals to conform to neurotypical standards, society inadvertently suppresses the valuable contributions and unique perspectives that neurodiversity brings. Many of history's greatest minds and innovators were neurodivergent, and their unique ways of thinking and problem-solving have often led to groundbreaking discoveries and advancements. Embracing neurodiversity and allowing individuals to express their authentic selves benefits not only those individuals but society as a whole.

Remember, neurodivergent individuals fit in great, have excellent communication, and experience ease in relationships with other ND's!  It is not that they "don't fit in" - it is that they struggle to fit in with NT's, or, you could say that NT's struggle to fit in with ND's.  That is equally as true.  It is important to understand that there is simply different ways that the brain works, and one is not "right" and the other "wrong", they are simply different. 

As an Authenticity Coach, my diagnosis helped me deepen into my authenticity with more clarity and permission.  It allowed me to get to know and understand part of myself from a new perspective and with more knowledge and information. As I've educated myself on this topic, and personal done the work in my life, it has allowed me to help other individuals on the same path.   Below, I'm going to share a few of the ways that my autism and masking has impacted my life. 

​I also want to note that most people (yup, even family) were surprised or in disbelief about my diagnosis.  The most interesting thing to me was that some people seemed to have a heavy resistance to accepting it.  It almost felt like they didn't want to update their view of me or accept that I might have been struggling with this for my entire life.  Some of the neurotypical in my life were almost defensive when I shared with them some of the ways that I had been masking.  I heavily relied on my communication, compassion & self-advocacy skills to navigate this part of my journey. ​

Here are 5 ways that my neurodiverse brain works differently then the neurotypical brain, how I've personally struggled with masking, and the tools I've used to deepen my authenticity, build more connected relationships, and increase my peace. 

1. ND's tend to relate things to themselves in a conversation as a way to further connect with the speaker.  This doesn't mean they are a bad listener or making it "all about them", this is actually a way they are attempting to deepen and connect the relationship.  This is very true for me, and has often in my life been misunderstood or judged. 
2. ND's share differently then NT's.  Most ND's tend to share a deeper, more authentic and honest level then NT's are comfortable.  For me, my entire life I have bounced between "over sharing", frequently making NT's uncomfortable, or attempting to mask this behavior and "under sharing" to try to fit in.  Both of these have been harmful to my mental health and the quality of my relationships. 
3. There is a common misunderstanding about Autism and empathy.  Many people believe that individuals with autism don't have empathy.  The truth is that individuals with autism frequently have an under abundance of cognitive empathy and an overabundance of affective empathy. (More on that here.) This is certainly true in my case, often leading to me feeling the emotions of other so intensely -frequency without a cognitive understanding of why, that it can be challenging to separate who I am, and what feelings are mine, from the other person, and what feelings belong to them.  Because of this ND's need to approach creating healthy boundaries in their lives from a different perspective the NT's. 
4. ND's often interrupt in conversations.  When we hang out with each other, this is amazing!  We all talk excitedly over each other and interrupt each other and the conversation builds to a crescendo of passion!  This is one of my favorite experiences in life and one that I can only have with other ND's, because NT's simply don't know how to communicate like this.  That being said, I have had NT's judge me as a "bad listener", "rude", "uncaring", or "making it all about me" because of this trait of my communication style. 
5. ND's have a tendency to take things at face value and not understand ulterior motives. As an ND, when I am dishonest, it feels so uncomfortable in my body that I can barely do it (and therefor rarely do).  For several years I worked in local politics and I couldn't understand why it was so challenging for me.  After my diagnosis, I had a huge "a-ha" moment when I finally understood that the culture of ulterior motives and manipulation in politics was not only something that I was unable to take part in, but also something that made me uncomfortable to the point of being physically ill.  This also impacts an ND's ability to create healthy boundaries and their reputation for being blunt. 

It is essential for neurotypical to recognize and respect the right of neurodivergent individuals to be themselves without the need for constant masking. Building a culture of acceptance involves educating ourselves about neurodiversity, challenging preconceived notions, and creating inclusive environments where individuals of all neurological profiles can thrive. By fostering understanding, empathy, and appreciation for neurodiversity, we can create a society that values the strengths and contributions of all its members.
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The demand for neurodivergent individuals to mask their differences in everyday life imposes a heavy burden that can have detrimental effects on their mental health and overall well-being. It is crucial for neurotypical to acknowledge and respect the neurodivergent experience, allowing individuals to embrace their unique traits and contribute to society authentically. By promoting acceptance and celebrating neurodiversity, we can create a more inclusive world where everyone can flourish.

It you relate to this article, and would like to discuss coaching in this area, please schedule a free session with me. 

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Acquiring the knowledge we need to transform our lives is an exciting journey that goes beyond just intellectual understanding. It’s about engaging with information on three key levels: intellectual, emotional, and habitual. Each level adds a unique layer to our understanding and helps us integrate what we learn into our lives. If we overlook these different ways of knowing, we might limit our personal growth, miss out on accurate self-assessment, and struggle to connect deeply with others. It is only by embracing all three areas of knowledge that we can unlock our full potential.

Intellectual knowledge refers to our cognitive understanding of facts, theories, and concepts. It involves grasping ideas through reasoning, analysis, and logical thinking. We typically acquire this knowledge through education, reading, research, and study, relying on objective facts and evidence. For example, we might understand that eating fast food is unhealthy and can lead to weight gain.
​
Example: You know that fast food is bad for your health.
Action/Result: Despite this knowledge, you may still find yourself reaching for that burger because this understanding hasn’t fully translated into a change in behavior.

Emotional knowledge encompasses the empathetic understanding we gain through personal experiences. It allows us to connect with information on a deeper emotional level, enabling us to appreciate its significance and impact. This form of knowledge helps us recognize the emotional nuances of our experiences and the experiences of others, fostering genuine connections.

Example: You have faced health or weight issues personally.
Action/Result: Even though you understand the consequences of eating fast food, you still struggle to change your habits.  At times you're able to make healthy food choices, but when your busy or under stress you default make to your old habits. 

Habitual knowledge refers to the practical application and embodiment of knowledge through repeated actions and behaviors. It involves integrating what we know into our daily routines and habits, transforming theoretical concepts into practical skills. This level of knowledge is developed through consistent practice and repetition, allowing us to align our actions with our understanding.

Example: You’ve established healthy habits and routines to support your well-being.
Action/Result: You no longer crave fast food, as you’ve cultivated a deep respect for your health and body. Because of this alignment, you find joy in making nourishing choices that honor your well-being.

When we engage with knowledge across all three dimensions, we not only enhance our understanding but also empower ourselves to take meaningful action. This holistic approach opens the door to personal growth, authentic self-assessment, and deeper connections with others.  By recognizing and integrating intellectual, emotional, and habitual knowledge, you can unlock your full potential and lead a life that is not only informed but also deeply fulfilling. Remember, it’s not just about knowing; it’s about living your knowledge every single day!​

In today's digital age, blogging has become more than just a platform for personal expression. It has evolved into a powerful tool for earning income and building a successful online business. While starting a blog is relatively easy, turning it into a profitable venture requires strategic planning, dedication, and consistent effort. ​

First, choose a profitable niche that aligns with your inner voice.  Selecting the right niche for your blog is crucial. There are two things that will define your perfect niche: A subject that you are passionate about, and one that has a potential audience and monetization opportunities. Invest time and energy in both.  Journal, spend time alone, brainstorm with friends, get slow and quiet enough to hear that voice of authentic wisdom inside of you.  Then, conduct thorough market research to determine the demand for content in your chosen niche.​

Create a visually appealing and user-friendly blog that provides value to your audience. Invest in a professional design, optimize for search engines, and ensure your site loads quickly. Consistently publish high-quality, engaging content that keeps readers coming back for more. While you can certainly hire someone to build you a website, I highly recommend using a DIY Website Builders, this will save you money and allow you to be in full control of content and publishing. ​

One of the most common ways to monetize a blog is through display advertising. Join an advertising network, such as Google AdSense, and place ads strategically on your blog. Focus on optimizing ad placement for maximum visibility and click-through rates while maintaining a balance between user experience and ad revenue. 

Google Adsense allows you to run ads from the Google Display network on your website. In the beginning, you can monetize your blog with Google Adsense, but you won't make much money. Your earning potential is $0.1 - $0.5 per page view/mo. 

In the event that you reach 25,000 page views a month, you can (and should) drop Google Adsense in favor of an advertising network that manages your display ads directly on your website (also known as publisher networks), ensuring you are earning the most money. Typically these networks take between 20%-40% of the display ad revenue from your website.​

As your blog gains popularity, you can attract opportunities for sponsored posts and brand collaborations. Companies may approach you to write reviews, create sponsored content, or promote their products. Typically they will offer between $50 – $1,000 to publish one of their posts on your blog.  Give intention to the partnerships, and make sure they align with your blog's values and resonate with your audience.​