Masking requires neurodivergent individuals to constantly suppress their true selves, which can be mentally and emotionally draining. The effort to mimic neurotypical behavior and suppress natural tendencies can lead to a sense of disconnection from one's authentic identity. This ongoing struggle often results in increased anxiety, depression, and overall psychological distress. Furthermore, the perpetual demand to mask can create a pervasive feeling of inadequacy and can undermine an individual's self-esteem.

The expectation to mask can also obscure the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals. When someone successfully masks their differences, their struggles may go unnoticed, leading others to assume that they do not require accommodations or support. As a result, neurodivergent individuals may find it harder to receive the necessary understanding, resources, and accommodations that would otherwise help them thrive.

By pressuring neurodivergent individuals to conform to neurotypical standards, society inadvertently suppresses the valuable contributions and unique perspectives that neurodiversity brings. Many of history's greatest minds and innovators were neurodivergent, and their unique ways of thinking and problem-solving have often led to groundbreaking discoveries and advancements. Embracing neurodiversity and allowing individuals to express their authentic selves benefits not only those individuals but society as a whole.

Remember, neurodivergent individuals fit in great, have excellent communication, and experience ease in relationships with other ND's!  It is not that they "don't fit in" - it is that they struggle to fit in with NT's, or, you could say that NT's struggle to fit in with ND's.  That is equally as true.  It is important to understand that there is simply different ways that the brain works, and one is not "right" and the other "wrong", they are simply different. 

As an Authenticity Coach, my diagnosis helped me deepen into my authenticity with more clarity and permission.  It allowed me to get to know and understand part of myself from a new perspective and with more knowledge and information. As I've educated myself on this topic, and personal done the work in my life, it has allowed me to help other individuals on the same path.   Below, I'm going to share a few of the ways that my autism and masking has impacted my life. 

​I also want to note that most people (yup, even family) were surprised or in disbelief about my diagnosis.  The most interesting thing to me was that some people seemed to have a heavy resistance to accepting it.  It almost felt like they didn't want to update their view of me or accept that I might have been struggling with this for my entire life.  Some of the neurotypical in my life were almost defensive when I shared with them some of the ways that I had been masking.  I heavily relied on my communication, compassion & self-advocacy skills to navigate this part of my journey. ​

Here are 5 ways that my neurodiverse brain works differently then the neurotypical brain, how I've personally struggled with masking, and the tools I've used to deepen my authenticity, build more connected relationships, and increase my peace. 

1. ND's tend to relate things to themselves in a conversation as a way to further connect with the speaker.  This doesn't mean they are a bad listener or making it "all about them", this is actually a way they are attempting to deepen and connect the relationship.  This is very true for me, and has often in my life been misunderstood or judged. 
2. ND's share differently then NT's.  Most ND's tend to share a deeper, more authentic and honest level then NT's are comfortable.  For me, my entire life I have bounced between "over sharing", frequently making NT's uncomfortable, or attempting to mask this behavior and "under sharing" to try to fit in.  Both of these have been harmful to my mental health and the quality of my relationships. 
3. There is a common misunderstanding about Autism and empathy.  Many people believe that individuals with autism don't have empathy.  The truth is that individuals with autism frequently have an under abundance of cognitive empathy and an overabundance of affective empathy. (More on that here.) This is certainly true in my case, often leading to me feeling the emotions of other so intensely -frequency without a cognitive understanding of why, that it can be challenging to separate who I am, and what feelings are mine, from the other person, and what feelings belong to them.  Because of this ND's need to approach creating healthy boundaries in their lives from a different perspective the NT's. 
4. ND's often interrupt in conversations.  When we hang out with each other, this is amazing!  We all talk excitedly over each other and interrupt each other and the conversation builds to a crescendo of passion!  This is one of my favorite experiences in life and one that I can only have with other ND's, because NT's simply don't know how to communicate like this.  That being said, I have had NT's judge me as a "bad listener", "rude", "uncaring", or "making it all about me" because of this trait of my communication style. 
5. ND's have a tendency to take things at face value and not understand ulterior motives. As an ND, when I am dishonest, it feels so uncomfortable in my body that I can barely do it (and therefor rarely do).  For several years I worked in local politics and I couldn't understand why it was so challenging for me.  After my diagnosis, I had a huge "a-ha" moment when I finally understood that the culture of ulterior motives and manipulation in politics was not only something that I was unable to take part in, but also something that made me uncomfortable to the point of being physically ill.  This also impacts an ND's ability to create healthy boundaries and their reputation for being blunt. 

It is essential for neurotypical to recognize and respect the right of neurodivergent individuals to be themselves without the need for constant masking. Building a culture of acceptance involves educating ourselves about neurodiversity, challenging preconceived notions, and creating inclusive environments where individuals of all neurological profiles can thrive. By fostering understanding, empathy, and appreciation for neurodiversity, we can create a society that values the strengths and contributions of all its members.
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The demand for neurodivergent individuals to mask their differences in everyday life imposes a heavy burden that can have detrimental effects on their mental health and overall well-being. It is crucial for neurotypical to acknowledge and respect the neurodivergent experience, allowing individuals to embrace their unique traits and contribute to society authentically. By promoting acceptance and celebrating neurodiversity, we can create a more inclusive world where everyone can flourish.

It you relate to this article, and would like to discuss coaching in this area, please schedule a free session with me. 

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