MINDY AMITA AISLING
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Canid Commentary & Useful Hacks on Being Human

Overcoming Bad Days - Tips for Regaining your Positive Outlook

1/30/2023

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Overcoming Bad Days - Tips for Regaining your Positive Outlook
​Bad days are inevitable. They can be caused by stress, exhaustion, or simply having a run of unfortunate luck. No matter the cause, it's important to remember that you can take steps to turn your day around and regain a positive outlook. Here are a few tips to help you do just that. 

Take Time For Yourself 
When you're having a bad day, it's important to take some time out of your schedule to focus on yourself and what you need in that moment. This could mean taking a break from your work, going for a walk outside, or even just curling up on the couch with your favorite movie or TV show. Taking some time away to give yourself some space will help ease any anxieties and allow you to shift your perspective on the situation. 

Talk To A Friend 
It's always helpful to talk through whatever is bothering you with someone else. Talking about how we are feeling can often help us process our emotions and gain clarity on the situation at hand. If you don't want to talk about it in person, there are also plenty of online support systems available if needed. Reaching out for help doesn't make us weak; instead it shows our strength in recognizing when we need additional support in order to move forward more positively.  

Focus On The Positives 
It can be easy to get bogged down in all the negative aspects of our lives when things aren’t going as well as we'd hoped they would. However, it’s incredibly important not to let those negative thoughts take over! Make sure that when things seem tough, you take the time focus on all the positives present in your life - no matter how small they may seem! Doing this will not only help put things into perspective but will also provide much-needed motivation and strength while tackling difficult tasks throughout the day.  

Bad days happen - but they don’t have to last forever! It’s okay if things don’t go as planned or if something unexpected happens; take comfort in knowing that there are ways for us to turn around our days no matter what curveballs life throws at us! Remember these tips next time you’re having a bad day so that you can start regaining control over situations and get back into an optimistic mindset once again!

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Related blogs:
  • The Science of Gratitude
  • ​Open Hearted Burning
  • What You're Missing When It Comes To Reaching Your Goals​
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ADHD & Autism: Support and Resources

1/6/2023

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ADHD & Autism: Support and Resources.  Mindy Aisling
Over the past few weeks, many of my clients have requested more information on support and resources for ADHD and Autism.  I've compiled a list of notes and recommendations below.  If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to reach out to me (mindy@mindyaisling.com). 

This is a long blog, so feel free to skip to the header of the topics that you're interested in.

Medication

Medication is a tool that about 70-90% of people with ADHD benefit from.  ADHD medication helps people to focus, sustain attention, reduce hyperactivity, and reduce impulsivity, but may not always help with organization, procrastination, and time management challenges.  People with ADHD often find that one medication works for them better than others, even within the same class of medication.  Even trying short vs. long term medication can make a big difference, so work with your doctor to find the right fit for you.  Some people with ADHD find that medication doesn't work well for them at all.  This happens sometimes and it does not mean that the person doesn't have ADHD.  

Psychotherapy

Some psychotherapists specialize in helping people develop and implement strategies for managing ADHD as well as help them reframe some of the negative messaging they may have received about their ADHD (for example: that they're lazy or unmotivated). 

In Bend, Oregon:
  • Robyn Migliorini, PhD
  • Michelle Shawver, PsyD
  • Brian Evans, PsyD

Coaching

Coaching can often be an effective tool to help break down tasks and goals into manageable, actionable steps and then hold the client accountable for the actions they want to take. Coaching can also provide the necessary structure for managing weekly tasks, and furnish an understanding listener during the times when frustration arises.  (You can schedule a free consultation with me here)

Behavioral Support & Strategy (ADHD) 

Exercise helps to reduce ADHD symptoms.  It is important to distinguish between exercise for fitness and exercise for focus.  Fitness usually involves a more intense period of exercise, while exercising for helping focus with ADHD can be 5 - 10 minutes of activity. 

It is best to work with your brain, rather than against it. This means that when you are having rouble focusing, it is better to just take a break than to force yourself to continue to try.  Alternatively, if you are in a hyper-focus mode, it's okay to skip breaks as long as you plan a longer period of rest and recovery when the hyper-focus is complete.   

People with ADHD benefit from being able to control the level of stimulation in their environment.  This could mean being able to have a quiet, distraction-free space when you need it - or noise when you need it.  This might mean wearing headphones or ear plugs in certain environments - or on different occasions. 

Changing environments can also be really helpful.  Moving from your desk to the couch or from your office to a coffee shop can have a positive impact.

People with ADHD often have the experience where if something is out of sight it is out of mind.  This means that they tend to do better when they place important items (like planners and pillboxes) where they will regularly see it. 

It is very common for people with ADHD to get interested in a lot of different hobbies.  The downside of this is that it can be expensive.  Often local 'buy nothing' or 'trade' groups work great for people with ADHD.

People with ADHD find it useful to create a 'launch pad'.  This is a place where all of your important things go before you leave the house.  Keys, wallet, mail that needs to be mailed, canvas grocery bags - anything you need to complete out of the home tasks.

Calendars can be hard to manage, but they can also be helpful.  Calendars are most helpful when there is a place to offload the "to do" items and other things that need to get done, and when necessary transition and recovery time are scheduled into the day.  For example, you might have a meeting from 10am - 11am, but might also need to schedule from 11am - 11:30am to recover and refocus. Often people with ADHD can 'gloss over' details of their day.  For example, if you need to be somewhere at 10am, you need to leave the house at 9:45, which means you have to start getting ready to leave the house at 9:30 (or earlier).  When you schedule all of these tiny parts of your day into your planner, you have less of a tendency to overcommit, be late, or end the day being exhausted and overwhelmed.  This is especially true for someone who is gifted with both ADHD and Autism. 

One strategy for helping people stay on task is called "body doubling" which means having a supportive and nonjudgmental person work with you to provide you with reminders when needed.  (See below for free online body doubling support)

Reframing Differences (ADHD)

People with ADHD often have trouble consistently using and applying strategies that involve many of the self-regulation skills they struggle with.  For some people medication helps, for others, environmental changes help - the key is finding your unique recipe and then having compassion for the ebb and flow of its use.  

Some people with ADHD will get down on themselves for not "finishing" things, like housework or hobbies.  It's important and helpful to reflect on what it means to be "finished".  Often we think of being finished as having some kind of final product or mastery, but that's a very narrow definition that doesn't serve people well.

It is entirely reasonable (and wise) to acknowledge that some tasks and activities are so challenging that they are not worth the effort.  For example, some people with ADHD will hire housekeepers, or accept that their house will never be as tidy as the 'expected' or the 'norm'. 

It can be important & healthy to set limits on actives with friends and family.  

It can be really challenging to reframe traits associated with ADHD and Autism as not a personal failing.  You are okay just the way you are, and it is even okay to struggle in accepting that statement.

Websites (ADHD & Autism)

  • CHADD - Information and resource hub for ADHD
  • ADHD Lectures - A collection of lectures by Dr. Russell A. Barkley.  You can also visit his website here.  He is dedicated to research and education on ADHD.
  • ADHD Alien - Comics about the daily struggles with ADHD
  • ADHD Comics - More fun comics about living with ADHD
  • Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)
  • Wrong Planet - Online community for people with Autism 
  • ​Autism National Committee - Advocacy, education & resources
  • Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network (AWN)
  • Autistic Science Person
  • FLOWN - work accountability, body-doubling
  • Reddit:​ /ADHD, /ADHDWomen, /Autism, /AutismTranslated, /Aspergers, /AutisticPride, /Neruodiverse

Books (ADHD & Autism)

  • Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Russell Barkley, PhD
  • The Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD by Lidia Zylowska
  • ​Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD
  • NeuroTribes by Steve Silberman
  • The Power of Neurodiversity by Thomas Armstrong, PhD
  • Uniquely Human by Barry M. Prizant, PhD

Apps (ADHD & Autism)

  • Inflow ADHD
  • Structured
  • Routinery
  • Sweepy: Home Cleaning
  • ADHD White Noise
  • Numo ADHD

Podcasts ​(ADHD & Autism)

  • ADDitude
  • ​Take Control
  • ​ADHD Support Talk Radio
  • Practical ADHD Strategies
  • Autism in the Adult
  • Adulting on the Spectrum
  • Word of Mouth
  • ​Not Neurotypical

Social Media ​(ADHD & Autism)

  • ADHD Jessie - Instagram, Twitter
  • Sensory Stories By Nicole - Instagram, Facebook
  • We Are Unmasked - Instagram, 
  • Neurodivergent_lou - Instagram
  • ADHD Interrupted - Facebook
  • How to ADHD - Facebook, Instagram 
  • The ADHD Gift - Facebook

Facebook Groups:
  • Oh Look! More Relatable Autistic Content! 
  • Autistic Adults With ADHD
  • Autism Inclusivity

MeetUp Groups (Online/Remote)
  • Women with ADHD (WAM)
  • ADHD Support
  • ADHD Empowerment Community (for Women)
  • Neurodivergent
  • The Bright Side of ADHD

Reframing Differences (Autism)

Many people have stereotypes in their minds about how an Autistic person looks and behaves.  They might say things like, "You don't look Autistic" or "You make eye contact so you can't be Autistic" or "Maybe you're Autistic, but it must not be that bad because you're able to work."  These kinds of comments are incorrect and based on outdated ideas.

Many Autistic people engage in repetitive behaviors known as "stimming." These behaviors are an important means of self-regulation and therefore shouldn't be reduced, eliminated, or altered (unless they are harmful).  Many Autistic people (particularly undiagnosed/late diagnosed) channeled this into nail biting, cheek biting, fidgeting, or holding their hands in fists. 

Consistent routines and repetitiveness in general help to establish a level of predictability in a social world that feels very unpredictable.  Such routines also shouldn't be reduced, eliminated are altered (unless they are harmful).

Autistic people tend to have more focused and intense interests than neurotypical people.  Research suggests that engaging in these interests is positively associated with wellbeing and helps Autistic people develop emotional awareness, social skills, and coping skills.  Accordingly, they are encouraged to pursue these interests, even if other people find them "too intense". 

There is nothing wrong with needing support for tasks that other people can do without support.  Our culture is highly individualistic, but other cultures highly value interdependence and relying on each other.  What level of help is "socially acceptable" is highly arbitrary and varies based on cultural standards.

Managing the Sensory Environment 

Autistic people have a harder time filtering out distracting sensory information.  Accordingly, they often benefit from tools like noise-canceling headphones, ear plugs, and other devices to help the regulate their sensory experience.  For example, playing loud music through headphones while grocery shopping to help drown out some of the other overwhelming sounds might be beneficial. 

Other tools that may be helpful are weighted blanket, weighted clothes or sensory toys.

Because the sensory environment is so important, it is important to be thoughtful about your physical space.  The may mean keeping sensory and self-care tools nearby, reducing clutter, dimming lights, using rugs or insulation to reduce noice, and having help keeping the space that way.

It is perfectly reasonable to be thoughtful and discerning about clothing.  There is nothing wrong with dressing in a way that allows you to be comfortable. Reducing the decision around clothing can also be very helpful.  For example, if you find clothes that feel comfortable, purchasing multiples of those clothes and wearing them constantly is totally reasonable.  

Social Engagement (Autism)

One thing Autistic people are taught by society is that they should endure discomfort for the comfort of others.  For example, they should make eye contact even though it makes them uncomfortable.  This makes it mush more challenging for Autistic people to know when they're feeling discomfort (as they have been taught to ignore and discard it) and set boundaries that they are actually comfortable with.  Learning to monitor discomfort, set boundaries and conceive their own boundaries as acceptable is an import goal for Autistic people.

Many Autistic people benefit from preparing for new situations by researching them ahead of time and getting a very explicit and clear understanding of expectations.  For example, if you're going to a new restaurant, it is often helpful to look at the restaurant's website, seeing how the outside of the building looks on Google Street View, reviewing the menu, and knowing ahead of time where the bathrooms are. 

Autistic people often need more scripting and pre-planning for social events than neurotypical people.  This means that they benefit form more time to prepare for events, which is a normal and reasonable thing.

Autistic people tend to do better with digital communication than real time communication as this allows them to take the time they need to process information. 

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​Related Blogs:
​10 Famous High-Achievers with ADHD
The Distraction Epidemic & Tools To Increase Your Focus
5 Wellness Apps You'd Wish You Known About Sooner

​I hope this was helpful. If you have questions, thoughts, or things to add to this blog, post a comment below or email me (mindy@mindyaisling.com)
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2023 Is Here... So, What's it Going To Be?

1/6/2023

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How To Be Human Newsletter

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So What’s It Going To Be?

2023 is here. Another year of your life has passed and it is forever beyond your reach. Did you live it to its fullest?

» Did you grab your moments of happiness and wrestle them to the ground?

» Did you open your heart to a vaster and deeper experience of what love truly is?

» Did you stretch your ability to feel and experience wonder?

» Did you reveal more of yourself to your loved ones… and to the world?

As the year came to a close, these were the questions that I asked myself.


At the heart of it: Did I become a truer and more beautiful version of myself this year?

Because to me, this is it, my friends. This is the reason for life, for this human experience. This is why we are all here: to know ourselves more deeply. When we pursue an authentic life, a few things happen:

  • We have closer relationships with others. We cultivate connection.

  • We reveal more of our natural gifts to the world, and therefore, experience more success.

  • We have more meaning, connection, and wonder in our lives. We wake up liking ourselves and looking forward to each day.

  • We take responsibility for giving ourselves the experience of life that we desire & becoming the person that we truly want to be.

In light of the New Year, I ask you, just as I am asking myself: What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

Is this the year that you will take the other path - the one that calls to your heart? Is this the chapter of your life when you start living for yourself?

Will you forever look back and mark this day as the day that everything changed? The moment that you said, “F*ck it, I’m in”. I’m in for ALL of it - the deepest, juiciest and truest version of my life. 2023, it’s on.

I believe that by each of us coming home to who we really are - we will make the world a better place. In fact, I believe that this is the only way we can change the world. It starts with each one of us. It starts in our hearts (and our guts).

In service of my belief in this work, I’ve designed a DIY Coaching Course called: How To Be Human: Vital Skills For Living An Authentic Life.

Let’s face it - the most important stuff, the things that are core to the human experience, we are rarely taught. Although all of us struggle with the same core elements of being human, but we rarely talk about it. I’m done with that. Let’s bring it out into the open and give it some air. Let’s learn what we need to learn so that we can lead powerful lives filled with greater joy and ease.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves


Last night I released the first series in this course called: The Stories We Tell Ourselves. This is a 9-part DIY Coaching Course that I guarantee will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

Download For FREE

My decade of experience coaching individuals all over the world has taught me that understanding the concept of internal storytelling is an essential part of personal transformation.

I’ll be releasing additional series in the How To Be Human: Vital Skills For Living An Authentic Life course throughout 2023, and all of it will be completely free.

Join me on my social media channels as I journey through the curriculum alongside you.


Twitter icon LinkedIn icon Facebook icon Instagram icon Pinterest icon


With so much love and care from the bottom of my heart, may 2023 be your year.

I know damn well it’s going to be mine - because, as my good buddy Abe said, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.”

You are in charge. Roll the dice.

Mindy Aisling

Free Consultation

People come to me when they are ready to build a life or business that is in alignment with their authenticity.

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    Author

    Mindy Amita Aisling

    ICF Certified Life & Business Coach, Authentic Marketing Educator, Small Business Advocate, Serial  Entreprenerd, Adventurer, Epiphany Hunter, Idea Maven, Growth Catalyst.
    --
    Mindy is passionate human seeking to live fully into the human experience.  She writes about emotional intelligence, authenticity, the personal growth journey, entrepreneurship, small business success, and How To Be Human: Vital Skills for Living An Authentic Life

    ​You can sign up for her newsletter here.

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Est. 2010. ICF Certified, OMA Certified, Licensed and Insured.
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  • Personal
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