Before You Begin
Before you begin coaching, you must create the space for your successful growth & transformation. I am a big believer in ‘creating spaces’ for self, romance, creativity, or business. Being an intentional creator of your life requires you to become an expert a creating ‘the space’ and holding ‘the space’. On this journey, you will need a physical place where you feel safe, dedicated time for the lessons and/or sessions, supplies, and a few basic understandings about interacting with the coursework.
Physical Space:
While you can choose to coach or complete your coursework in various locations throughout this course, please ensure that the areas you choose are safe, private, and comforting. This will support you in your exploration.
Time:
In addition to the coursework or coaching, developing and honoring your authentic self requires you to spend time alone. Cultivating time alone for personal reflection and listening to your inner wisdom is a key component to authentic living. Personally, I suggest alone time in nature if you can get it. Walking meditations are powerful- but so is snuggling on the couch with your favorite pet and music on that moves your soul. Activities like painting, knitting, or gardening can also provide the required 'downtime' needed to integrate your personal growth & development. Create special spaces and activities that honor you, and make you feel safe, loved, and alive. Please note that screen time does not provide the benefits of downtime or flow state.
Rest:
Personal growth requires rest. A busy mind and hectic lifestyle do not allow the unpacking of oneself, the capacity to learn new things about yourself, or the available energy to change outdated habits. Please permit yourself to rest while engaging in a DIY Coaching Course or Coaching with me.
Supplies:
Journal & Pen
Colored pencils or markers (optional)
Timer (the one on your cell phone works great)
Audio player (phone or computer work great) and headphones or speakers
Effort:
To get successful results from me Coaching or Coursework, you must understand that (like everything in your life) you will get out of this course exactly what you put into it. If you skip over assignments, skim the reading, or pass over sections – then that is exactly what you’ll get out of it, a partial transformation. If you put in 10%, you’ll get out 10%. However, if you put in 100% - you are guaranteed to get out 100%. The percentage of effort that you decide to put in isn't good or bad, right or wrong. Throughout life, we have different amounts of energy available to us, and we must prioritize how we spend our energy as we move through different stages. However, humans tend to have a common unhelpful behavior pattern - we expect 100% results with 10% effort, and when we do not receive the expected results, we blame, resent, or become frustrated and depressed. This pattern is not helpful to our life journey or how we feel day-to-day, so we must take care that our expectations are aligned with the current effort that we're willing to invest. This way, we can easily find joy in celebrating the results we were expecting. If all you can commit today is 1%, that is a beautiful start. Take a moment right now to ask yourself what percentage you are willing to put into this course. Write this number on the first page of your journal.
Honesty:
Next, I ask you to bring your complete honesty to your coaching. I’ll check in with you during assignments, asking you to rate your level of self-honesty on a scale of 1-10. Many of us fail to be truly honest with ourselves because we fear that honestly will bring about change in our lives that we can’t control or impact areas of our lives that we’re not yet ready to change. Take a deep breath, and know that living an authentic life requires you to be completely honest with yourself. Rest assured that although you don’t know how it will change your life, you can trust the formula: More self-honesty = more authentic living = more joy and purpose.
We also tend to be dishonest with ourselves because we don’t think it matters. Nothing could be further from the truth. Think about trust like a bank account, where you continually make deposits and withdrawals. Every time you do what you tell yourself you’re going to do – that’s a deposit. Every time you don’t do what you tell yourself you’re going to do – that’s a withdrawal. For example, if you tell yourself that you’re going to work out three times a week, and you don’t do that – you’ve just withdrawn from your inner trust bank account. Many of us do this so often that we are in a negative balance with ourselves, and when we set out to achieve something, we can’t find the self-trust we need to accomplish our goals.
It is always better to be honest with yourself. Read that again. It is always better to be honest with yourself. Make commitments that you know you can accomplish and take your commitments to yourself seriously. Using the example above, it is better to commit to walking for 10 minutes a week and actually do it, than it is to commit to working out three times a week and not do it.
Now, I want you to take a moment and reflect on your commitment to this course. Be honest with yourself. Given everything going on in your life right now, if you are going to only be able to put 10% into this course, that’s perfectly okay, but let’s start there. Let’s practice accurate self-assessment right from the beginning. You can always do more than you commit to – but to preserve the capital in your ‘trust bank account’ you must learn to be honest with yourself and honor the commitments that you make to yourself. This is how you build self-trust. Take a moment, and if needed, adjust the number that you wrote on the first page of our journal. Congratulations! You’ve just intentionally practiced accurate self-assessment, self-honesty, and commitment. These are tools that will serve you well.
Knowing:
Third, we must discuss “knowing”, and explore the question, “How do you know when you know something?” This understanding is paramount to the coursework because we can often block ourselves by thinking we know something when we don’t, and therefore, not challenge ourselves to go deeper. Often “I already know that” is the biggest hurdle preventing the transformation that you long for.
There are 3 ways to “know” something:
I would argue that you don’t really know something until you’ve reached the third stage of knowing. Frequently we claim to know something when the reality is that we just have an intellectual understanding of it (stage 1), and by claiming to “know” it – we block ourselves from deepening our understanding into true knowing and wisdom.
Be aware as you move through this self-investigation of the level your “knowing” is at on any given subject.
Growing:
Finally, stay curious and stay awkward! Growing as a human requires getting out of your comfort zone, and getting out of your comfort zone can feel awkward. Doing things you’ve never done before in ways you’ve never done them is going to feel weird. That’s okay, lean into it. It’s okay to be awkward – we’re humans, not robots, and humans are awkward and messy. Allow yourself to be weird, awkward, and uncomfortable. Those are all good things (I promise!).
When you set out on the personal growth journey, it is challenging to know if you are “doing it right”. While an investment in personal growth results in more joy, contentment, confidence, and presence, it doesn’t always feel like that during the journey. Here are some things that you might notice on your journey, and they are signposts that you’re on the right path!
The Urge to Flee: Your personal growth journey will be marked by moments when you feel like running away, and that is a good sign that you are on the right track. In these cases, the important thing is to push yourself just a tiny bit. We want the “rubber band” of your transformation to stretch, but not to snap back or break. Creating a safe space to do this work will give you the confidence to get uncomfortable and stay with feelings, thoughts, or ideas for a little while. It takes time to integrate what you want to run away from, but the more you sit with it, the more it will integrate.
Faux Death: When we tackle strong belief systems that have been there “keeping us safe” our whole lives, it can often feel like if we let go of them, we’ll die. It might sound strange to those who haven't experienced it, but personal development is essentially letting go and grieving that which we once were (so we can embrace who, and what, we are now).
Confusion: As we shed old ideas, and find the deeper truths for ourselves, there can be an experience of confusion. Confusion is a sign that your soul is in transition. It’s okay to feel lost in your journey – in fact, it’s a sign that increased clarity and authenticity are around the corner.
Discontentment: Jeff Brown (whose work I adore) talks about the experience of “spiritual emergingcy.” When a more authentic version of yourself is emerging, it can feel like an emergency. This is your soul calling you to do the deeper work, and when these feelings of emergingcy rise up, they can feel like irrepressible geysers in your life. This can be extremely disruptive to the life you’ve come to know and expect, and it can press you into spaces of discontentment, frustration, and anger. This is all okay.
Vulnerability Hangovers: It is completely normal to experience a ‘vulnerability hangover’ after achieving a new level of vulnerability with another person. If you find yourself regretting what you said or feeling afraid of being too exposed – this is great! Rather than fleeing this expansive space, sit with the feelings and retrain your brain to expect and accept them as part of the process.
Metaphysical Moments: In the course of your personal growth journey, things can happen that are difficult to understand from a logical perspective. There is an element of the unknown that weaves its way through this world, and our souls, and those who pursue an authentic life encounter it more frequently. In spite of the fact that these moments can be unexpected and even sometimes frightening, they can also provide you with a wealth of information and answers. Embrace them.
Ultimately, there is no “doing it right” on the personal growth journey. The only red flag I would encourage you to be aware of is if your process is perfectly neat and tidy. Personal growth is messy, and by allowing yourself to be messy, you become less of a mess. It sounds counterintuitive, but it is the truth.
Most importantly, as you engage with coaching, stay curious! Every single thing that you tell yourself, every ‘story’ that you have about yourself, others, and the way the world works, - is completely made up by you. Loosen your hold on “the truth” just a bit during your Coaching and get really, really curious. You’ll be glad you did.
Welcome to your incredible journey of self!
Physical Space:
While you can choose to coach or complete your coursework in various locations throughout this course, please ensure that the areas you choose are safe, private, and comforting. This will support you in your exploration.
Time:
In addition to the coursework or coaching, developing and honoring your authentic self requires you to spend time alone. Cultivating time alone for personal reflection and listening to your inner wisdom is a key component to authentic living. Personally, I suggest alone time in nature if you can get it. Walking meditations are powerful- but so is snuggling on the couch with your favorite pet and music on that moves your soul. Activities like painting, knitting, or gardening can also provide the required 'downtime' needed to integrate your personal growth & development. Create special spaces and activities that honor you, and make you feel safe, loved, and alive. Please note that screen time does not provide the benefits of downtime or flow state.
Rest:
Personal growth requires rest. A busy mind and hectic lifestyle do not allow the unpacking of oneself, the capacity to learn new things about yourself, or the available energy to change outdated habits. Please permit yourself to rest while engaging in a DIY Coaching Course or Coaching with me.
Supplies:
Journal & Pen
Colored pencils or markers (optional)
Timer (the one on your cell phone works great)
Audio player (phone or computer work great) and headphones or speakers
Effort:
To get successful results from me Coaching or Coursework, you must understand that (like everything in your life) you will get out of this course exactly what you put into it. If you skip over assignments, skim the reading, or pass over sections – then that is exactly what you’ll get out of it, a partial transformation. If you put in 10%, you’ll get out 10%. However, if you put in 100% - you are guaranteed to get out 100%. The percentage of effort that you decide to put in isn't good or bad, right or wrong. Throughout life, we have different amounts of energy available to us, and we must prioritize how we spend our energy as we move through different stages. However, humans tend to have a common unhelpful behavior pattern - we expect 100% results with 10% effort, and when we do not receive the expected results, we blame, resent, or become frustrated and depressed. This pattern is not helpful to our life journey or how we feel day-to-day, so we must take care that our expectations are aligned with the current effort that we're willing to invest. This way, we can easily find joy in celebrating the results we were expecting. If all you can commit today is 1%, that is a beautiful start. Take a moment right now to ask yourself what percentage you are willing to put into this course. Write this number on the first page of your journal.
Honesty:
Next, I ask you to bring your complete honesty to your coaching. I’ll check in with you during assignments, asking you to rate your level of self-honesty on a scale of 1-10. Many of us fail to be truly honest with ourselves because we fear that honestly will bring about change in our lives that we can’t control or impact areas of our lives that we’re not yet ready to change. Take a deep breath, and know that living an authentic life requires you to be completely honest with yourself. Rest assured that although you don’t know how it will change your life, you can trust the formula: More self-honesty = more authentic living = more joy and purpose.
We also tend to be dishonest with ourselves because we don’t think it matters. Nothing could be further from the truth. Think about trust like a bank account, where you continually make deposits and withdrawals. Every time you do what you tell yourself you’re going to do – that’s a deposit. Every time you don’t do what you tell yourself you’re going to do – that’s a withdrawal. For example, if you tell yourself that you’re going to work out three times a week, and you don’t do that – you’ve just withdrawn from your inner trust bank account. Many of us do this so often that we are in a negative balance with ourselves, and when we set out to achieve something, we can’t find the self-trust we need to accomplish our goals.
It is always better to be honest with yourself. Read that again. It is always better to be honest with yourself. Make commitments that you know you can accomplish and take your commitments to yourself seriously. Using the example above, it is better to commit to walking for 10 minutes a week and actually do it, than it is to commit to working out three times a week and not do it.
Now, I want you to take a moment and reflect on your commitment to this course. Be honest with yourself. Given everything going on in your life right now, if you are going to only be able to put 10% into this course, that’s perfectly okay, but let’s start there. Let’s practice accurate self-assessment right from the beginning. You can always do more than you commit to – but to preserve the capital in your ‘trust bank account’ you must learn to be honest with yourself and honor the commitments that you make to yourself. This is how you build self-trust. Take a moment, and if needed, adjust the number that you wrote on the first page of our journal. Congratulations! You’ve just intentionally practiced accurate self-assessment, self-honesty, and commitment. These are tools that will serve you well.
Knowing:
Third, we must discuss “knowing”, and explore the question, “How do you know when you know something?” This understanding is paramount to the coursework because we can often block ourselves by thinking we know something when we don’t, and therefore, not challenge ourselves to go deeper. Often “I already know that” is the biggest hurdle preventing the transformation that you long for.
There are 3 ways to “know” something:
- You can “know” it in your mind. This means that you understand the idea or theory as a mental construct. Your intellect is connected to the truth of the subject.
- Second, you can “know” something in your gut. This is when you have an ah-ha moment, and say, “Oh, I get it!” “Getting” something is a gut knowing. It means that your emotional body is connected to the truth of the subject.
- The third that you can “know” something is a body knowing. This means that you’ve integrated the truth of the subject into your body, and you unconsciously act from it every single day. This is when the “truth” of the subject becomes your modus operandi.
I would argue that you don’t really know something until you’ve reached the third stage of knowing. Frequently we claim to know something when the reality is that we just have an intellectual understanding of it (stage 1), and by claiming to “know” it – we block ourselves from deepening our understanding into true knowing and wisdom.
Be aware as you move through this self-investigation of the level your “knowing” is at on any given subject.
Growing:
Finally, stay curious and stay awkward! Growing as a human requires getting out of your comfort zone, and getting out of your comfort zone can feel awkward. Doing things you’ve never done before in ways you’ve never done them is going to feel weird. That’s okay, lean into it. It’s okay to be awkward – we’re humans, not robots, and humans are awkward and messy. Allow yourself to be weird, awkward, and uncomfortable. Those are all good things (I promise!).
When you set out on the personal growth journey, it is challenging to know if you are “doing it right”. While an investment in personal growth results in more joy, contentment, confidence, and presence, it doesn’t always feel like that during the journey. Here are some things that you might notice on your journey, and they are signposts that you’re on the right path!
The Urge to Flee: Your personal growth journey will be marked by moments when you feel like running away, and that is a good sign that you are on the right track. In these cases, the important thing is to push yourself just a tiny bit. We want the “rubber band” of your transformation to stretch, but not to snap back or break. Creating a safe space to do this work will give you the confidence to get uncomfortable and stay with feelings, thoughts, or ideas for a little while. It takes time to integrate what you want to run away from, but the more you sit with it, the more it will integrate.
Faux Death: When we tackle strong belief systems that have been there “keeping us safe” our whole lives, it can often feel like if we let go of them, we’ll die. It might sound strange to those who haven't experienced it, but personal development is essentially letting go and grieving that which we once were (so we can embrace who, and what, we are now).
Confusion: As we shed old ideas, and find the deeper truths for ourselves, there can be an experience of confusion. Confusion is a sign that your soul is in transition. It’s okay to feel lost in your journey – in fact, it’s a sign that increased clarity and authenticity are around the corner.
Discontentment: Jeff Brown (whose work I adore) talks about the experience of “spiritual emergingcy.” When a more authentic version of yourself is emerging, it can feel like an emergency. This is your soul calling you to do the deeper work, and when these feelings of emergingcy rise up, they can feel like irrepressible geysers in your life. This can be extremely disruptive to the life you’ve come to know and expect, and it can press you into spaces of discontentment, frustration, and anger. This is all okay.
Vulnerability Hangovers: It is completely normal to experience a ‘vulnerability hangover’ after achieving a new level of vulnerability with another person. If you find yourself regretting what you said or feeling afraid of being too exposed – this is great! Rather than fleeing this expansive space, sit with the feelings and retrain your brain to expect and accept them as part of the process.
Metaphysical Moments: In the course of your personal growth journey, things can happen that are difficult to understand from a logical perspective. There is an element of the unknown that weaves its way through this world, and our souls, and those who pursue an authentic life encounter it more frequently. In spite of the fact that these moments can be unexpected and even sometimes frightening, they can also provide you with a wealth of information and answers. Embrace them.
Ultimately, there is no “doing it right” on the personal growth journey. The only red flag I would encourage you to be aware of is if your process is perfectly neat and tidy. Personal growth is messy, and by allowing yourself to be messy, you become less of a mess. It sounds counterintuitive, but it is the truth.
Most importantly, as you engage with coaching, stay curious! Every single thing that you tell yourself, every ‘story’ that you have about yourself, others, and the way the world works, - is completely made up by you. Loosen your hold on “the truth” just a bit during your Coaching and get really, really curious. You’ll be glad you did.
Welcome to your incredible journey of self!