Finding Perfection in Your Life

​I believe that everything in life is a gift.  I believe that at any given time, perfection is happening.  If, in the moment, I don't see it this way, I continue to wait, to look, and to be present until the gift is revealed.  I don't know if this belief is true or not true - but I do know, without a doubt, that believing this makes my life better. 

This is the really cool thing about beliefs, they don't have to be 'true' or 'right', because ultimately they are all a made-up story in your head.  So, if you are going to make up something to believe, make it something that brings more joy, peace, meaning and fulfillment to your life.
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I believe that with a curious and open mind, we can 'try on' belief systems (just like a pair of jeans) and see how they fit, how they feel, and what impact they have on our lives.  Years and years ago, one of my teachers asked me to try on the belief system that I talked about above, "Perfection is happening at any given time".  At first my mind rebelled,
    
"What about rape?! What about abandonment?, What about the bad things that have happened to me in my past!?" 

Then, I took a deep breath, and I tried it on.  It took some time to get the fit. I had to remember to use my new thinking and to see things through this new filter.  My experience went from resistance to fun.

     "I am stuck in traffic, I wonder why that's perfect?"
     "My feelings just got hurt, I wonder why that's perfect?"

I started to find that because I was looking for perfection.... I found it.  I began to see how life was conspiring in my best interest.  How everything was interwoven to provide me with exactly what I needed next.  I saw that I could rest. 

Then, the unthinkable happened.  My husband, my son and I were hit head-on by an intoxicated driver.  Both cars were going 55mph and my son and I were airlifted from the scene.  It took them over 2 hours to remove me from the car.  The jaws of life weren't enough to extricate me, and they had to saw the top of the car off.  During that time, I was bleeding out internally, slowly loosing consciousness (and my life).  My son was being taken, all alone, to the trauma center in a helicopter, and my husband said dazed beside me, crushed between the steering wheel and his seat, his leg broken.  Was this perfect?

Let me tell you, my friends, how challenged I was to accept this.  Days later, after several surgeries, I sat in my hospital bed utterly confused.  I felt abandoned by my beliefs, and by the Universe that I had come to have such a close, co-creating relationship with.  I was devastated.  I could understand my physical injuries, and how to heal from them, but this mental/emotional betrayal  I could see no way out of.
Even after I recovered, for over a year I could not go back to being a Life Coach.  How could I hold the space for another, when I couldn't hold the space for myself?  How could I help others find the answers to their questions inside of themselves, when I couldn't find my answers to my questions inside myself? 

It was at this pint that I had to do the hardest recovery of all.  Harder than the steps from hospital bed, harder then learning to walk again.  Now, I had to go inside of myself, turn towards my fear and bring it closer.  I had to stop running away from it, avoiding it and distracting from it. I had to go deeper into the shame, the anger, and the bewilderment.  That was the only way for me to discover if it was perfect after all. 

What is your 'car accident'?  What is the thing that you can't come to peace with and find perfection in?  There is a gift waiting there for you.  I am sure of it.  Are you brave enough to turn into your fear?  Are you ready to stop running?  I can't promise it will be an easy journey, but I can promise it will be a rewarding one.

I finally did find my gift.  Then, I started coaching again.  To my surprise - I was even better at it (another gift!).  And the funny thing is, with the PTSD and anxiety that are still with me, I am challenged to discover new gifts all the time.

I don't know a lot of things, but I do know that life was meant to be lived, and part of living is being fully present to experience your ENTIRE story.  This means the guilt, the shame, the fear, it's all part of your messy, beautiful journey as a human.  Don't deny yourself the gift of experiencing all of it.  Don't seek only happiness.  Find the perfection.