MINDY AMITA AISLING
  • Personal
    • Personal Coaching
    • Coaching FAQ's
    • Coaching Fees
    • Coaching Inquiry
    • Letter to Future Clients
    • How to be Human >
      • Before You Begin A DIY Course
      • The Stories We Tell Ourselves
    • Resources & Tools
    • Free Consultation
  • Professional
    • Professional Coaching
    • Business Services
    • Custom Workshop Development
    • Mediation
    • Business EIntelligence Series
  • About
    • Hello From Mindy
    • Community & Press
    • Blog
    • My Entrepreneurial Journey
    • My Personal Story
    • Certifications, Affiliations & Social
    • Client Testimonials
    • Mission & Values
    • Contact

My Blog

Canid Commentary & Useful Hacks on Being Human

How to Become a Better Listener

8/4/2020

0 Comments

 
Listening is one of those skills that most people take for granted.  We think we know how to do it.  In fact, we are so sure that we know how to listen that most of us never even consider taking a course or reading a book to learn how to listen.
 
My experience, however, is that very few people are good listeners… but those that are, they are revolutionizing their relationships, empowering people around them, and leaving a positive footprint in the world.
 
Here is a simple breakdown of the three types of listening:
​
Level One: Subjective (All about the listener)

Subjective listening occurs when whatever is said is heard through the experiences of the listener and how they relate to the listener.  Listening in this case, is based on the agenda or needs of the listener and rarely satisfies the speaker.
Level one listening:
  • Seeks to prove or disprove (as opposed to understand)
  • Seeks to relate to the listener (ie - how it matters to the listener, how it impacts the listener, what the listener would do differently, how the listener would deal with the situation, etc)
Here is an example of level one listening:
  • Speaker/Employee – “I’ve been having a hard time getting to work at my scheduled time, and when I do get here, I’m often not ‘on-it’ and ready to go.”
  • Listener/Manager-  “You just have to force yourself to get up earlier.  Whenever I have something to do that I don’t want to do, I just remember the Nike commercial, “Just do it.”
As you can see, the speaker in this example shared something vulnerable, personal, and honest.  The listener took what was said and made it about them.

Level Two: Objective (neutral)

Objective listening occurs when the listener is completely focused on the other person. There is no thought about how any of the information relates personally to the listener.  This level is more effective than subjective listening, and is sometimes very effective, but often doesn’t get to the “heart” of the matter.
Here is an example of level two listening:
  • Speaker/Employee - “I’ve been having a hard time getting to work at my scheduled time, and when I do get here, I’m often not ‘on-it’ and ready to go.”
  • Listener/Manager -  “I really hear that you that you’ve been struggling to be on-time and on-task at work.”
In this example, you can see that the listener heard what was being said and acknowledged it by repeating back to the speaker. 

Level Three: Intuitive or Active (all about the speaker)

Intuitive listening occurs when the listener is using all sensory components and intuitively connecting to the real message of the speaker.  The listener has all his or her attention on not only what the speaker says, but also how they say it (the tone of voice, energy level, feelings, etc.), including what ISN'T being said. 
 
This level is the most powerful form of listening, and when mastered, allows the listener the opportunity to deeply connect with the speaker.  This level of listening is an act of love.  When a person listens at a level three, you are helping the speaker explore what they are sharing and even understand it deeper themselves.  This level of listening is the seed for emotional intimacy, understanding, connection, collaboration, and growth.
 
It’s important to remember that it doesn’t matter if the listener's intuition is right or wrong – simply exploring it will open the conversation and build intimacy with the speaker.
 
Here is an example of level three listening:
  • Speaker/Employee - “I’ve been having a hard time getting to work at my scheduled time, and when I do get here, I’m often not ‘on-it’ and ready to go.”
  • Listener/Manager – “I hear that you really want to do show up on-time and be effective at your job, but that currently something is getting in the way of that.  It sounds like maybe you’re overwhelmed or exhausted and that this situation is challenging and maybe even a little frustrating for you.”  ​

What type of listening do you use most often in your day-to-day life?  How would practicing this skill impact your life?

Interested in discovering how coaching could help you get extraordinary results in your life & work?  Schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation. 
0 Comments
    Picture

    Author

    Mindy Amita Aisling

    ICF Certified Life & Business Coach, Authentic Marketing Educator, Small Business Advocate, Serial  Entreprenerd, Adventurer, Epiphany Hunter, Idea Maven, Growth Catalyst.
    --
    Mindy is passionate human seeking to live fully into the human experience.  She writes about emotional intelligence, authenticity, the personal growth journey, entrepreneurship, small business success, and How To Be Human: Vital Skills for Living An Authentic Life

    ​You can sign up for her newsletter here.

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    February 2021
    October 2020
    August 2020
    November 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019

    Categories

    All
    ADHD
    Articles Published On Medium
    Authenticity
    Communication
    EQ
    Freedom From Electronics
    Goals
    Gratitude
    How To Be Human
    Leadership
    Life Coaching
    Love
    Marketing
    My Journey
    Neurodivergence
    Newsletter
    Poetry
    Productivity
    Quotes
    Self Care
    Slow Living
    Small Business Ownership
    Thought Experiments

    RSS Feed

    Blogs Directory
    RSS Search
    1Abc Directory
Navigation
Personal Coaching
Authenticity Coaching
​Human Skills Coaching
​Mindset Coaching
Leadership Coaching
EQ Coaching
Transition Coaching
​Neurodivergent Coaching
Professional Services
Professional Coaching
​Small Business Coaching
Custom Workshop Dev. 
Mediation
Digital Marketing
Ad Campaign Mgmt.
Creatives Creation
How To Be Human
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Navigating Needs
The Art of Self Care
Courageous Humaning
Hacking The Human Brain
Vital Support Systems

Affiliations 
Psychology Today
International Coaching Federation
Energy Leadership
Oregon Mediation Association
Therapy Tribe
Noomii
Connection
Contact Me
Newsletter
​Blog
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
TikTok
Pinterest
YouTube
Est. 2010. ICF Certified, OMA Certified, Licensed and Insured.
© Mindy Amita Aisling 2010
  • Personal
    • Personal Coaching
    • Coaching FAQ's
    • Coaching Fees
    • Coaching Inquiry
    • Letter to Future Clients
    • How to be Human >
      • Before You Begin A DIY Course
      • The Stories We Tell Ourselves
    • Resources & Tools
    • Free Consultation
  • Professional
    • Professional Coaching
    • Business Services
    • Custom Workshop Development
    • Mediation
    • Business EIntelligence Series
  • About
    • Hello From Mindy
    • Community & Press
    • Blog
    • My Entrepreneurial Journey
    • My Personal Story
    • Certifications, Affiliations & Social
    • Client Testimonials
    • Mission & Values
    • Contact