 Mindy Amita Aisling, MCC, is a professionally trained and board-certified life, leadership, and entrepreneur coach. Mindy exceeds all requirements set forth by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) for Master Coach certification. Through her innovative approach, she assists clients in examining their limiting beliefs, questioning their assumptions about how the world works, and releasing the notion that they are anything less than perfect. As a result, individuals who work with Mindy cultivate the ability to stand firm in their beliefs, live authentically and decisively, and discover an experience of life that is easy and graceful. Mindy founded How to Be Human: Vital Skills for an Authentic Life and Entreprenerd: A Leadership & Small Business Community for Nerds Around the World. These programs have enabled her to share her wisdom and knowledge with a broader audience in service of her vision of helping others live authentic lives This, in turn, has empowered more individuals to lead their most TRUE and COURAGEOUS lives.
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  Personal growth and development is the transition from experiencing life happening to you to experiencing a life created by you. One of the most powerful ways we can do this is by taking control of our time, and continually increasing moments that we are living our life on purpose. In a recent study commissioned by Marks and Spence, a whopping 96% of people surveyed reported that they were living their life on autopilot. Before we dive into the personal growth DIY exercises on this worksheet, we must define what living by default, or autopilot, means. In my life, I use the terms “default self” and “intentional self”. My default self is the person that operates from her base stories, fears, and general unconsciousness. This is my “programmed” self, who lives by the rules and values defined by her family, peers, and culture. In contrast, my intentional self is the person that operates from her chosen stories, courage, and intentional consciousness. This is my “deliberate” self, who lives by the rules and values defined by her and her alone. As a coach, I’ve worked with thousands of clients. When people begin working with me, I would say about 60 - 70% of them don’t yet know their intentional selves, and they are strictly living life as they have been pre-programmed to do. The other 30-40% know their intentional self, and are in the process of learning how to live a greater percentage of their life, and time, in alignment with that deliberate self. Here are some examples of how these two selves might show up in your life
Below you’ll find a free download that will allow you to do an audit on your time (and life). You can also download this worksheet as a Word Document or Google Doc. Here is how to use this spreadsheet: #1 – Fill in how you would LIKE to spend your time. Complete the chart from your intentional self, and design your time in alignment with your values, desires, and joys. #2 - Track how you spend your time for a week or two. I suggest doing this at lunch, and again at nighttime before you go to bed so that you don’t forget what happened in your day. If you can track your activities in real-time during your day, even better. The more accurate your tracking is the more opportunity for insights and transformation. #3 – Make necessary adjustments in your life. I suggest doing this audit at least twice a year. I like to do it quarterly to keep myself on track, and assure that I am living the life that I want to live. Questions or comments? Feel free to reach out to me at mindy@mindyaisling.com  This week brings February into view on our calendars. Sweet, sweet, February - the month that is known for pink hearts, milk chocolate, and over-priced roses. To tell you the truth, I’ve never been a big fan of the traditional, commercial celebration of Valentine's Day. It always seemed a bit silly to my quirky neurodiverse brain: why would we celebrate love more on one day than any other? Why would we put huge intentions of love on a single day, rather than consistent intentions of love every single day?  For many years now, instead of following the traditions designed by a capitalist society bent on monetizing love, I have made my own rules for February. I’ve seized this month as an annual check-in with myself, with the intent of discovering the areas within myself, and my life, where I can expand my capacity for experiencing love. I've been engaging in this practice for years, and I can attest to the fact that it has positively improved my life experience. Like all personal growth and development, it is an ongoing pursuit and a never-ending practice. For this, I am grateful. I love the “layers of my onion”, and the self-discovery and personal expansion that I enjoy day after day, month after month, and year after year. It is a becoming. Evermore becoming who I am at my core as I shed the layers (thoughts, habits, belief systems) that prevent my full expression of self. This year, in service of supporting our collective expansion, I thought I’d share some of the practices that I’ve cultivated to expand my capacity to experience love.  #1 - Update Self -Talk I have found that the quality of my self-talk has a drastic impact on my life. Therefore, when I look at ways to increase my experience of love in my day-to-day life, updating my self talk is low-hanging fruit. Updating my self-talk helps in two ways - first, it increases my self-love and second, it removes barriers to experiencing love from others. I've created a worksheet that outlines my process, and I hope that you'll also find it useful. You can download it for free here.  #2 - Remove Barriers The second thing that I do is identify areas for further healing. Rumi said, "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." I find this statement to hold great truth, as it aligns with my direct experience. As we go through life, we encounter trauma, betrayal, abandonment & suffering. There is no getting around this, but it is possible to integrate our pain so that it doesn't become a roadblock to what we want in life. Instead of allowing our pain to stagnant and harden us, we can use it to strengthen and expand ourselves. This allows for more love (and joy and wonder) to enter into our beings. To do this, we first have to identify where we have allowed past betrayals to harden within us. Then we must create a safe space for healing, and get the support we need on our healing journey. Finally, we must do the work to heal ourselves, and find the gifts that are in the darkness.  #3 - Define Edges The third practice that I engage in to expand my capacity for love is defining my edges. When I am unconsciously people-pleasing, accommodating, meek, unobtrusive, or submissive - I merge the boundaries between who I am and who others are. I lose my ability to have clarity around my needs and wants, I mismanage my time, and I limit my experiences of love and joy. To experience more love in my life, I must define my edges, hone my perimeter, and know what is me and what is other. If you're an empath like I am, this can be particularly important and double as challenging. At the start of this exploration, there is defining work for us to discover who we are (sign up for my newsletter to be notified of the next release of my DIY Coaching How To Be Human course which will delve into this topic). After we've done the deep work, it is a matter of reminding ourselves who we are, so that this crazy, busy world doesn't jumble and bewilder us. I do this through meditation. Expanding my capacity to experience love includes dedicating time to daily reestablishing my personal boundaries. In this way, I can see and appreciate others - loving them more, and I can honestly and authentically reveal my full self to others, and allow myself to be fully loved and appreciated.  #4 - Raise the Stakes The fourth practice that I have cultivated to expand my capacity for love is my favorite - for it is the most juicy and delicious. It also requires the most courage and grit. The choice to intentionally experience more love means that we have to take action in the relationships that matter the most to us. We have to show up. This means first and foremost that we have to slow down and take time for our relationships. The feelings of closeness, acceptance, safety, connection, and love, I would call "emotional intimacy", and these feeling take courage to invite into your relationships. In American culture, the word "intimacy" has been given very narrow connotations. When people hear the word they think that it has something to do with sex, or the marriage/partnership relationship. Nothing could be further than the truth. A healthy life includes emotional intimacy with your friends, your parents, and your children. These emotionally intimate relationships produce feelings of wholeness, safety, and meaning. If you are in a primary sexual relationship, developing emotional intimacy with others deepens the intimacy in your primary relationship. This is important to note, because there is an erroneous belief system that promotes the idea that intimacy is limited and therefore if you give it to one person, there is less for other relationships in your life. The opposite is true. The more you develop emotional intimacy, the more it grows in ALL areas of your life. For me, my friends, I know beyond a doubt that I want to experience as much love as possible in my human lifetime. Just like every other human on this planet, I struggle to be open to all the areas in my life where love is possible, and I experience fear when deepening love in the relationships that matter most to me. The practice of intentionally cultivating our ability to experience love has many benefits, here are some of the results of this practice that have had the largest positive impact on my life:
I invite you to share with me your unique experiences of expanding your capacity to feel more love by commenting on this blog, or sending me an email. I adore talking about being human, and I’d love to hear from you. Most of all, I hope that you can confidently say at the end of 2023 that you experienced more love this year than any other previous year of your life. Because, my friends, that would be truly incredible.  Life coaching is all about the questions. Use these questions to unlock the wisdom inside of you! Mindy Amita Aisling, MCC, is a professionally trained and board-certified life, leadership, and entrepreneur coach. Mindy exceeds all requirements set forth by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) for Master Coach certification. Through her innovative approach, she assists clients in examining their limiting beliefs, questioning their assumptions about how the world works, and releasing the notion that they are anything less than perfect. As a result, individuals who work with Mindy cultivate the ability to stand firm in their beliefs, live authentically and decisively, and discover an experience of life that is easy and graceful.
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 You may have heard that practicing gratitude can improve your well-being and relationships, but did you know that there is actual science to support these claims? Countless studies have shown that gratitude has a number of benefits for both mental and physical health. Here are just a few of the ways in which gratitude can change your life for the better. Gratitude improves physical health. One study published in Behaviour Research and Therapy found that participants who kept gratitude journals reported fewer health complaints than those who did not. Another study looked at older adults with chronic pain and found that those who wrote about things they were grateful for experienced less pain and fatigue, slept better, and had more energy than those who did not practice gratitude. One study found that grateful people were more likely to take care of their health, exercise regularly, and eat a healthy diet. Another study found that gratitude is linked with lower blood pressure and a reduced risk for heart disease. Gratitude strengthens relationships. In one study, participants were asked to either express gratitude to their partner or request something from their partner. Those who expressed gratitude reported feeling closer to their partner and more satisfied with their relationship than those who made a request. Gratitude also improved relationship satisfaction among couples dealing with PTSD. In another study, participants who wrote about things they were grateful for experienced increased social connectedness. Gratitude Can Improve Your Mental Health If you’re struggling with anxiety or depression, gratitude can help. Expressing gratitude has been shown to decrease depressive symptoms and increase levels of happiness and well-being. Gratitude can also help you cope with stress in a healthier way by increasing your resilience in the face of adversity. Gratitude enhances well-being. Writing about things you are grateful for has been shown to increase levels of happiness and life satisfaction, as well as reduce depression. One study found that participants who kept a daily gratitude journal reported higher levels of positive emotions, optimism, vitality, alertness, and determination, as well as less anxiety and depression. Another study found similar results in adolescents. Not only does gratitude make you feel good in the moment, but it also has lasting effects on overall happiness and life satisfaction. Gratitude Can Help You Achieve Your Goals If you’re working towards a goal, be grateful for what you have – even if it’s not what you ultimately want. This can help you achieve your goal because gratitude creates a sense of abundance, which in turn motivates you to keep pursuing your goals. Additionally, research has shown that people who are grateful are more likely to reach their goals and feel increased satisfaction when they do. The science is clear: gratitude has a number of benefits for both mental and physical health. So if you want to improve your relationships, sleep better, feel less pain, have more energy, or just be happier overall, start practicing gratitude today! You may just find that it changes your life for the better.  We’ve all been people pleasers at one point or another in our lives. Whether it’s saying yes to an invitation we really don’t want to go to or going along with a friend’s bad idea, there are times when it’s easier to just go with the flow instead of standing up for ourselves. But what happens when people pleasing starts to impact our ability to achieve our goals? The Dangers of People Pleasing People pleasers often have trouble saying no. This can lead to us taking on too many commitments and stretching ourselves too thin. When we’re constantly trying to please others, we don’t have the time or energy to focus on our own needs and wants. As a result, our own goals and dreams can start to fall by the wayside. Continue Reading on Medium...
 We all have moments of resistance in our lives. Whether it’s resistance to change, resistance to new ideas, or just resistance to taking action, these moments can hold us back and prevent us from achieving our goals.
While resistance is a natural part of life, it’s important to remember that we always have a choice in how we respond to it. We can either let the resistance control us, or we can choose to let go of it and move forward. When we choose to let go of resistance, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and new opportunities for joy. Here are three reasons why letting go of resistance is key to finding more joy in life Finish reading this article on Medium   This quote is often misattributed to Nelson Mandela, but was actually written by Marianne Williamson in her book, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles". You can read the Snopes about it here). This is a famous quote, and it is no surprise why - because it speaks the truth of the human experience, and truth can be felt in our hearts. Being authentically yourself, and allowing that authentic self to shine as brightly as possible is the most courageous thing that you can do with your life. I believe that each of us has a yearning to do this - to live into our gifts as fiercely as possible, but the question is, exactly how do you become liberated from your own fear? How do you learn to freely allow your greatness to exercise sovereign power over your life? I don't believe the answer is easy, my friends. If I could write an article called "3 Steps to Liberating Yourself From Your Fear & Fully Living Your into Your Brilliance", my guess is that your gut would call bullshit. Because as I said above, you can feel truth... and you can feel a lie, and pretending this is easy stuff just wouldn't be the truth. It also wouldn't serve us. It would just add another layer to this completely erroneous, all-pervasive belief that says that when you you finally ______, you will arrive. You will finally be happy, you can finally rest, it will finally all be okay. You will no longer question yourself, and everything you want will come with ease. Oh, what a fantasy that is. You might as well believe that tiny unicorns will carry away every thought of self beat-up before your consciousness perceives it. The truth is that this courageous way of living, continually choosing things to further liberate us from our fear and more fully shine our light, is hard. This pursuit is a journey, and it requires you to bare your soul, again and again. It means that you will be in the arena, marred with dust, blood and tears. It is about showing up and being seen, and as Brene Brown says, "If you are going to show up and be seen, there is only one guarantee: you will get your ass kicked." Yes, my friends, you will fail again and again. You will be squeezed and you will soar. You will live to the edges of your humanity.  Things won't get easier, they will get harder... but somehow you'll be happier. Thats the oxymoron here, the complete brain f*ck. Life will call you to the table. You will be required to put it all on the line. You will have to have conversations that terrify you. You will have to own parts of yourself that have spent a lifetime in darkness. You will be required to create boundaries stronger than the walls of Mordor. You will have to learn to say no. You will have to stand up, legs shaking, and step forward. It's not 3 steps, its millions of steps. It is choosing, over and over again, the path that you can't really see, the one that doesn't make logical sense and is invisible until you step out. It's choosing the angst of confusion over the comfort of knowing. It is sitting with the discomfort of risk over the illusion of safety. It is questioning everything, always, in the pursuit of shedding more layers (both of yourself and this world). It is a commitment to growth. It is not somewhere you arrive, but something you become. It is not something you can Do, it is something you have to Be.  Satsang is a Sanskrit term derived from two root words, sat meaning true and sanga meaning community. A Satsang, therefore, is a gathering together to seek the truth. The human life can be challenging and fraught with many obstacles. Questions, concerns, confusion, and doubts may arise at any time. All of us sometimes get stuck or feel like we're just spinning our wheels living a construct of a life, without really getting to the deeper experience of being alive. Being a human also presents us with the opportunity to go after every experience that we desire. It offers unending pleasures and awe to each of us. There is a South African phrase, ubuntu (oo-boon-too) which means "I am because we are". The term is derived from the phrase Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu, which translates to "a person is a person through other people". Former US President Barack Obama referenced this word at Nelson Mandela's funeral saying, "We are all bound together in ways that can be invisible to the eye; there is a oneness to humanity; we achieve ourselves by sharing ourselves with others, and caring for those around us." Satsang fosters both of these things: the seeking of truth, and the sharing of self. A few of the requirements of a Satsang group: Each person must be committed to bringing out the best in another Each person must be committed to the investigation and "not knowing" Each person must be curious about the deeper meaning of life and the human experience When a group gathers under these conditions, it can have a profound effect. In a shared space of support and unity, the veils of illusion can be more easily lifted. When we talk about Satsang, and sitting in the "truth", we are referring to the truth being what is real, what exists. So all there is, is truth. Whenever something increases your experience of the truth, you heart opens and your mind quiets. Conversely, whenever something (such as a thought, fear, or judgement, limits or narrows your experience of the truth, the heart contracts and the mind gets busier. We are all equally endowed with the capacity to discriminate the truth. Therefore, we are all the teacher. Rumi said, "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and righdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there." This is Satsang. The field where there is no right or wrong, only investigation, and further expansion. The purpose of Satsang is not to provide devotion to a spiritual teacher or acquire spiritual knowledge - the purpose is to come home to yourself. (For a practical look into Satsang, the the kinds of questions explored, take a peek at this excerpt from the book Nothing Personal, Seeing Beyond the Illusion of a Separate Self by Nirmala.) |
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