How to be Authentic

Living an authentic life is an ongoing pursuit and rewarding lifelong discovery.  It can be challenging and requires commitment (to yourself).  However, the benefits of authentic living are abundant and well worth your time.  Here are just a few ideas to get started on the path to living authentically. 

Take Out the Trash
Take some quiet time to yourself to reflect on what guides you and who you really are.  Meditate, journal, draw, or just sit around and think.  Identify any ideas or 'rules' that you've picked up that are not in alignment with your true self, or are no longer serving you.  For example, some outdated beliefs might sound like:

• Good people go to church
• Good moms always put their kids first
• Wives must serve their husbands
• Heterosexual sex is "normal"
• You have to go to college to be successful
• Having a good career means you've "made it" in life
• If I beat myself up (internally), I will prevent myself from failing again
• I have to be liked by everyone
• It's bad to 'make waves' or take up too much space
• Blood is thicker than water (I have to stay close to my family, regardless)
• If I fail, that means it wasn't meant to be

There are thousands of beliefs that we pick up from the time we are born until the day we choose to take control or our life and live on our own terms.  Identifying the beliefs that are not in alignment with our authentic core and 'taking out the trash' is the first step towards leading a more rewarding, and authentic, life. 

Live By Your Values
Identify your values, and consult them every single time you have to make a choice.  To identify your values, click here for some useful suggestions and worksheets.  Once you have your values identified - consult them at every turn until this becomes your modus operandi. 

Identify your 'Default Self' and your 'Intentional Self'
There is a you that happens by default, and there is a you that happens by choice, or intention.  For example, the default self wants to have a few glasses of wine after a hard day.  The intentional self chooses to exercise and talk with a close friend.  Our default selves often choose what is easy, or what I like to call 'lower shelf' activities.  Lower shelf activities are things like watching TV, playing video games, or scrolling on our phone.   Our intentional self is the one that creates positive habits and has the discipline to make them routines.  Authentic living requires that you are seated firmly in your intentional self.  

Communicate Honestly 
Honest communication involves saying what you mean, while respecting the other person's needs and feelings.  This takes emotional intelligence and good communication skills.  This also means speaking your mind, and avoiding sarcasm, cryptic hints, or ad hominem attacks.  

Develop Your EQ
When you live authentically, you consider other's needs and you to your best to treat them with courtesy and respect.  In stressful situations, this means knowing how to control your emotions.  Emotionally Intelligence (known as EQ or EI) is the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions.  This is an important part of living authentically because it demonstrates that you have the inner strength to respect those around you, and it's a skill worth developing, as it will serve you well in all aspects of your life and career.