MINDY AMITA AISLING
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My Blog

Canid Commentary & Useful Hacks on Being Human

Stop Living On Auto Pilot & Start Living With Intention

2/14/2023

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Stop Living On Auto Pilot & Start Living With Intention
Coaching With Mindy Amita Aisling

​Personal growth and development is the transition from experiencing life happening to you to experiencing a life created by you. One of the most powerful ways we can do this is by taking control of our time, and continually increasing moments that we are living our life on purpose. In a recent study commissioned by Marks and Spence, a whopping 96% of people surveyed reported that they were living their life on autopilot. 

​Before we dive into the personal growth DIY exercises on this worksheet, we must define what living by default, or autopilot, means.

In my life, I use the terms “default self” and “intentional self”. My default self is the person that operates from her base stories, fears, and general unconsciousness. This is my “programmed” self, who lives by the rules and values defined by her family, peers, and culture. In contrast, my intentional self is the person that operates from her chosen stories, courage, and intentional consciousness. This is my “deliberate” self, who lives by the rules and values defined by her and her alone. 
As a coach, I’ve worked with thousands of clients. When people begin working with me, I would say about 60 - 70% of them don’t yet know their intentional selves, and they are strictly living life as they have been pre-programmed to do. The other 30-40% know their intentional self, and are in the process of learning how to live a greater percentage of their life, and time, in alignment with that deliberate self. Here are some examples of how these two selves might show up in your life
Living From Your Intentional Self Vs. Your Default Self

Living From Your Intentional Self Vs. Your Default Self
Living From Your Intentional Self Vs. Your Default Self
​Below you’ll find a free download that will allow you to do an audit on your time (and life). You can also download this worksheet as a Word Document or Google Doc.

Here is how to use this spreadsheet:

#1 – Fill in how you would LIKE to spend your time. Complete the chart from your intentional self, and design your time in alignment with your values, desires, and joys.

#2 - Track how you spend your time for a week or two. I suggest doing this at lunch, and again at nighttime before you go to bed so that you don’t forget what happened in your day. If you can track your activities in real-time during your day, even better. The more accurate your tracking is the more opportunity for insights and transformation.

#3 – Make necessary adjustments in your life.

I suggest doing this audit at least twice a year. I like to do it quarterly to keep myself on track, and assure that I am living the life that I want to live. 

Time Analysis Worksheet

Free Download

​Questions or comments? Feel free to reach out to me at mindy@mindyaisling.com

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​Related Blogs:

How To Become A Better Listener
What You're Missing When It Comes To Reaching Your Goals
Signs That You're Disconnected From Your Authentic Self
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The Distraction Epidemic and Tools To Increase Your Focus

10/19/2022

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"The average attention span for the notoriously ill-focused goldfish is nine seconds, but according to a new study from Microsoft Corp., people now generally lose concentration after eight seconds, highlighting the affects of an increasingly digitalized lifestyle on the brain." - Time Magazine, May 2015
This quote is frightening, and I'm sure that you've felt the effects.  Time seems to be speeding up, and every day can feel rushed and frenetic. The pressure is greater, and the productivity is less. 

So, how do you begin to reclaim your time and focus?  Start here ⬇
First and foremost, you must end your slavery to your electronics.  If you don't think you are addicted to your electronics - try one (or all) of these things and notice the response in your body:
  • Leave your phone plugged in outside of your bedroom when you go to bed at night
  • Make a commitment to not looking at your phone until after your morning routine (breakfast/ exercise/ meditation/ journaling- whatever you do to stay healthy and sane)
  • Leave your phone at home while you run errands, go out with friends, or go for a hike
  • Don't look at your phone while you are standing in lines or waiting for an appointment
  • Make a commitment to not look at work emails before your start time, and after your clock-out time
  • Spend one entire day electronic-free.  Put your phone, laptops and tablets away and spend an entire day connecting with your loved ones and the environment around you. 

How do you feel when you do these things?  Do you feel compulsion raising up in your body - like you just have to look at your phone or laptop?  Do you feel panic in your body - like something might be wrong and you have to check to make sure everything is still okay in the world?  Do you feel 'bad', like you are required to check text/emails/messages 24/7 to be a "good employee", and "good business owner", and "good friend"?  If any of these, or other feelings of resistance, obligation, or temptation, came up for you - it might be time to examine your relationship with electronics. 

With electronics, like in all areas of life, the goal is that YOU, the innate, wise, conscious you, is the leader.  Compulsion is defined as: "an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes."  Take a moment to identify the size of the gap between who you say you want to be and who you are.  This gap can frequently be identified in following areas of life: exercise, food choices, electronics, self care, emotional response and communication. Every single person has a gap - this is okay.  The realization that moves us forward is that we can make this gap smaller and therefore design a life that is more in alignment with our values and desires.  This, in turn, results in you liking yourself more. 
After you gain conscious control over your relationship with electronics, you can begin to use them, instead of them using you.  This means that when you have focused work that needs to be completed, you can turn off your email, social media, phone, etc. without discomfort.

While you can simply turn off your electronics during focused work times and off-work times, there are also a ton of tools to help you limit your distractions during work time.  Here are just a few:
  • Freedom for blocking distractions on all your devices at once
  • Cold Turkey Blocker for scheduled system-wide blocking
  • LeechBlock NG for free browser-based website blocking
  • RescueTime for time tracking with built-in website blocking
  • Forest for motivating you to put your phone down
  • SelfControl for a nuclear option
  • Focus for a combination Pomodoro timer and distraction blocker
  • PawBlock for distraction blocking with cute animal pictures
For me, here is what works:

Phone
The focus feature on my iPhone is set up to allow just a handful of people (my husband, son, sister, and dad) through on the personal setting.  In the work setting, no calls or messages are allowed through.  I use the personal setting for most of the work day and the work setting for deep focus sessions and meetings.  For instructions on how to set up the focus feature on your phone, click here.  I then schedule time to return calls in my schedule. 

Email
I close my email during meetings and deep work sessions.  Then, I schedule times to check and respond to email.  If you're not disciplined enough to keep your email closed, there are apps that can assist you.  Personally, I love Boomerang for all of its features - including Inbox Pause. 

Social
I have to use social to promote my business, so while I'm not a huge fan the impact that social media is having on our culture, I do engage with it - consciously.  First, I use Later to schedule 90% of my content.  This means that I don't have to log into all of my social platforms to post daily.  I do need to log-in for social media engagement, and that is on my schedule. 

Schedule
For me, this is key to my productivity.  Creating a solid schedule for myself is my lifeline to being productive, balanced and happy in my life.  For most days, my schedule looks something like this:
  • 4am - wakeup, breakfast, morning chores, time with husband and pets
  • 5am - workout, stretch, shower, journal, meditate, walk in the garden (not all of these happen every day, but from 5-7am is active self care most days.). No electronics until this is completed.
  • 7am - sit down in office, respond to emails, texts, phone messages, engage with social media
  • 8am - lock time for deep work, client sessions, meetings
  • 10am - check email and phone, respond to anything urgent
  • 10:15 - break.  Get outside, drink tea, eat snack, pet cats, stretch
  • 10:30 - reengage with work, lock time for deep work, client sessions or meetings
  • 12:30 - break for lunch (not in front of my computer!), eat, get outside, read a few pages of a novel, put laundry in
  • 1pm - check email and phone, respond to anything urgent
  • 1:15 - reengage with work, lock time for deep work, client sessions or meetings
  • 2:30 - check email and phone, respond to anything urgent.  Tidy up files, tabs, desk.  Take notes on day.
  • 3:30 - clock out, off work to have fun, relax and enjoy my life. 

This schedule is flexible, but I stick to it as much as possible - because it serves me to do so.  This schedule leaves me with 5 hours of solid work every day and 2.5 hours of responding to the world (email, phone, etc).  It makes sure that I take care of myself by assuring that I get breaks and lunch, and allowing me to sustain healthy work/life boundaries. 

Your schedule can be unique to you, it is simply the act of consciously controlling your time that it important.  If you're not sure where to start with creating a schedule for yourself, begin by recording what you do everyday.  You can even use an up like Rescue Time which will provide you with a report about how you spend your time on your computer.  Then, take a look at how your time is spent and make conscious decisions about what to change so that you align with who you really want to be and the life you really want to live. 

Exceptions
​I do want to note exceptions to my schedule.  I have both (high functioning) ADHD and Autism, which means that my brain works a little bit differently.  When I honor the way that my brain works, my life flourishes.  My brain loves to hyper-focus on something and work on that thing for 12 hours straight.  When I do this, I call it A-holing for ADHD/Autism hole.  I just made this term up and thought it was funny.  I swear I can get 40 hours of work done in 12 hours when I'm A-holing, and it is SO much fun.  I allow myself A-holes as much as I can when they present themselves to me & I feel like most of my genius, creativity and highest-quality work comes from these times.  After an A-hole, I always take as much of the next day off as possible and double up on the self-care to revive myself and get back on track.  If you have natural inclinations due to the unique way that your brain/body works - lean into them.  This will be far more effective than fighting them.  

Timer
I also find that I have days when I am more distractable.  Perhaps I didn't sleep well, something stressful is going on in my life, or there is a particular project I'm having a difficult time getting started. During these days it can be helpful to use a timer.  I set a timer for 15 minutes, and when that timer goes off I check to make sure I'm on my schedule.  This way if I 'rabbit hole', I'm only wasting 15 minutes (at most),  not 4 hours.  This is a great tool to reactive my consciousness, and my ability to be in conscious choice about how I spend my time.

Connect with Others
If you are a remote worker, there are a few really fun new platforms to connect with others, focus your time, hold yourself accountable, and create healthy work habits.  My favorite is Flown.  Flown provides virtual co-working sessions led by motivating facilitators - plus, meditations, breath work &. more.  Yes, its great even for introverts!  Check it out, and I'll see you in a Deep Dive session.  
The next chapter is about reclaiming your time and productivity.  Yes, it will be hard.  Yes, it will require discipline.  Yes, you can do it (and you'll be so grateful that you did).

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Related Blogs:
5 Wellness Apps You Wish You'd Known About Sooner
​The Science of Gratitude
​3 Ways To Stay Current on News Without Losing Your Mind
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3 Ways to Stay Current on News Without Losing Your Mind

6/23/2021

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If you are like me, getting on social media or reading the news can cause emotional upheaval.  Depending on what the news is, it often can trigger my anxiety.  There are even times that it can alter my energy and change the course of my day because of how it affects me.
 
I am happy to be a sensitive person who feels things deeply.  I think this is a good experience of life and I would never change it.  However, for those of you who are open and sensitive like me, you know how sometimes the truth of something can strike you at such a deep chord, there is no other appropriate response but grief and tears. 
 
Staying abreast of current events is important.  It is valuable to know what is going on in the world and to get involved and let your voice be heard on topics that are important to you.  However, it is also imperative to keep your own wellbeing and health in the forefront of your attention. 
 
Here are 3 things I do to help me stay grounded and vibrating at a high level (even while staying current on what is happening in our world.)

Set a timer
 
It is easy with social media and cell phones in our pockets to be constantly bombarded with news.  We must decide on how much input is optimal for our health and wellbeing on a daily basis.  Checking our phones every 30min is not going to change the world or what is happening in it – but it will change you. 
 

For me, my maximum news/social media saturation is 0-20 min per day.  It used to be more, but these past few years I've had to firm up my boundaries to remain mentally well and emotionally vibrant.  
 
I am also a firm believer in fasting.  News and social media fasting, that is.   It is important to go an entire day, or even an entire weekend without logging into social media or reading the news.  All of us have people and experiences in our lives that are more important than our screens (news and social media).  I recommend looking at how you spend your time and making sure that the time you spend with each experience is in alignment with how important that experience or person is to you.  For example, if I am acting unconsciously, I can easily spend more time on my phone than I do with my husband.  Because my husband is vastly more important to me than my phone, I find more joy, love, and connection when I live consciously and prioritize appropriately.  
 
Each of us has a natural wisdom, and when we are constantly putting things in, we leave no time for that wisdom to come out.   We need times of emptiness and silence to access our inner wisdom and be our best selves.  Furthermore, when we read things that create stress for us, our bodies are filled with the stress hormone cortisol.

Christopher Bergland says, “Scientists have known for years that elevated cortisol levels: interfere with learning and memory, lower immune function and bone density, increase weight gain, blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease... The list goes on and on. Chronic stress and elevated cortisol levels also increase risk for depression, mental illness, and lower life expectancy.”

I witness daily how difficult it is for my clients to use their phone and computers with intention.  I understand that for many people self-control around how frequently they ‘log on’ is a challenge.   Remember - YOU are the boss of you.  You have the ability to control where you put your focus so that you can create the life that you desire. 

Working with clients on reviewing how they spend their time and realigning it with their values is some of my favorite work.  

​
Choose the time of day that you engage
 
Choosing the time of day that you engage in reading news and social media is really important.  It is unwise to stress yourself out right before you go to work, have dinner with your family, climb into bed, or engage in a creative process.  Knowing that you might see or read something that will create an emotional response in you, you have to choose the best time to expose yourself to that input.

First and foremost, I have a strict rule to not engage with electronics for the first hour after I wake up.   My inner rebel demands this behavior.   "They don't own me," she says, "I own me, and the first hour of the day is mine."   I agree with her.  The first hour of my day sets the tone for my entire day, and how I spend those moments hold great value.
 
I like to engage with news and social media in the morning before I exercise.  Nothing helps me manage my stress better than exercise and nature.  If I am emotionally triggered by news in my feed and then I go for a run outdoors, I can come back and begin my workday in a grounded and positive energy.  If I read the news up to the time that I begin my work day, I will find it difficult to hold the space, think clearly, or be creative.
 
If I have to ‘log-on’ in the afternoon, I will try to buffer that by sitting on my porch appreciating nature for 10 min, or having a single-person dance party.  This way I make sure that when I go into the last part of my day, which for me is dinner and time with my family, I can be fully present with them and experience the depth and width of my capacity for joy (without my mind and my thoughts running amuck). 
​
End on a positive note  
 
I enjoy having a go-to list of websites, songs, videos, stories and poems that raise my vibration and leave me feeling upbeat, positive and hopeful about our world.  It is easy to be saturated by the negative – but there is an equal (if not more) 
amount of positive. 

People are helping each other, they are showing kindness to each other,  they are caring for animals and nature, and they are working to bring more love to the world.  Allow yourself to witness these acts and feel uplifted by them.   Take care to gain perspective and see the entire picture so that your focus (thoughts and feelings) don't become pinpointed on the negative. 

​Taking a few minutes to end on a positive note is like having an after dinner mint.  It leaves your brain with a sweet and refreshed palate. 
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    Author

    Mindy Amita Aisling

    ICF Certified Life & Business Coach, Authentic Marketing Educator, Small Business Advocate, Serial  Entreprenerd, Adventurer, Epiphany Hunter, Idea Maven, Growth Catalyst.
    --
    Mindy is passionate human seeking to live fully into the human experience.  She writes about emotional intelligence, authenticity, the personal growth journey, entrepreneurship, small business success, and How To Be Human: Vital Skills for Living An Authentic Life

    ​You can sign up for her newsletter here.

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Est. 2010. ICF Certified, OMA Certified, Licensed and Insured.
© Mindy Amita Aisling 2010
  • Personal
    • Personal Coaching
    • Coaching FAQ's
    • Coaching Fees
    • Coaching Inquiry
    • Letter to Future Clients
    • How to be Human >
      • Before You Begin A DIY Course
      • The Stories We Tell Ourselves
    • Resources & Tools
    • Free Consultation
  • Professional
    • Professional Coaching
    • Business Services
    • Custom Workshop Development
    • Mediation
    • Business EIntelligence Series
  • About
    • Hello From Mindy
    • Community & Press
    • Blog
    • My Entrepreneurial Journey
    • My Personal Story
    • Client Testimonials
    • Mission & Values
    • Contact