10 Ways That I Define LOVE

I have a deep passion for love. For me, nothing quite matches the richness and joy of being fully committed in a relationship. It adds immense fulfillment to life and provides invaluable support through life's challenges.  Here are 10 ways that I define LOVE in my relationships.  

Commitment to the Practice of Emotional Intelligence 

​Commitment to the practice of emotional intelligence profoundly impacts a marriage or partnership by fostering deeper understanding, communication, and connection between partners. Emotional intelligence involves recognizing and managing one's own emotions, as well as empathizing with and responding to the emotions of others. In a marriage, this means partners can navigate conflicts more effectively, express their needs and feelings openly, and provide mutual support and validation. This practice helps build a foundation of trust and respect, reducing misunderstandings and resentment. By consistently practicing emotional intelligence, couples create a more harmonious and resilient relationship, enhancing both individual well-being and the overall health of the partnership.

Separating the Person From the "Problem"

​Separating the person from the "problem" is a valuable practice in a relationship because it allows partners to address issues constructively without assigning blame or damaging each other's self-worth. By viewing the problem as an external challenge rather than a personal flaw, couples can work collaboratively to find solutions, fostering a sense of teamwork and mutual respect. This approach reduces defensiveness and conflict escalation, enabling more open and honest communication. It helps maintain the emotional bond and trust between partners, as they feel supported and understood rather than attacked. Ultimately, this practice strengthens the relationship by promoting a healthier, more empathetic way of dealing with difficulties.

Trusting Your Partner More than Your Story

​In a relationship, you continually face the choice of whether to believe your partner or to trust the stories you create in your head about them. This choice is crucial because believing your partner means taking what they share about themselves as 100% true, fostering trust and respect. Doubting their words or assuming you know them better than they know themselves undermines the foundation of your partnership and can lead to resentment and disconnection. By choosing to believe your partner, you honor their perspective and experiences, reinforcing the integrity of your relationship. Conversely, if you persistently question their truthfulness or feel superior in your understanding, it can be deeply insulting and damaging, suggesting a fundamental lack of trust. Therefore, embracing your partner's truth is essential for a healthy, respectful, and enduring relationship.

Deep Play

​Deep play, including sexual play, is crucial for a vibrant relationship because it activates new and different parts of the brain, fostering deeper connection and intimacy. Engaging in playful activities together, whether through humor, games, or sexual exploration, stimulates creativity, curiosity, and a sense of adventure. This playful state allows partners to break free from routine and stress, tapping into joy and spontaneity. In the realm of sexual play, partners can explore fantasies and desires, enhancing emotional and physical intimacy. By nurturing a playful spirit, couples can deepen their bond, enhance communication, and keep their relationship dynamic and fulfilling.

Support (Outside of How it Impacts Me)

Supporting your partner in attaining the experiences they desire in life without making it about you or how it will impact your life is a profound expression of unconditional love. This means truly honoring their dreams, goals, and needs without imposing your own expectations or concerns. It requires setting aside selfish considerations and focusing on their happiness and fulfillment. By doing so, you demonstrate respect and genuine care for their individuality and growth. This selfless support fosters trust and emotional security, allowing your partner to thrive. Love without attachments or conditions strengthens the relationship, as it is based on mutual respect, freedom, and the sincere wish for each other's well-being.

Commitment to Healing

It is crucial for both partners in a relationship to work on healing their own wounds and darkness to prevent these unresolved issues from negatively impacting the partnership. Personal healing involves addressing past traumas, unlearning harmful habits, and challenging limiting belief systems that can create conflict and misunderstanding. By taking responsibility for their own emotional health, each partner can engage in the relationship from a place of wholeness and self-awareness. This proactive approach helps to build a foundation of trust and empathy, reducing the likelihood of projecting insecurities or unresolved pain onto one another. Ultimately, when both individuals commit to their personal growth and healing, the relationship becomes a safe and nurturing space where both partners can thrive together.

Full Accountability

​Full accountability in a marriage means each partner takes complete responsibility for their actions, decisions, and well-being across all aspects of life: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and physically. Mentally, it involves being aware of and managing one's thoughts and behaviors. Emotionally, it means owning and expressing feelings constructively. Spiritually, it requires staying true to personal beliefs and values while respecting those of the partner. Financially, it includes managing money responsibly and transparently. Physically, it means taking care of one's health and wellness. This comprehensive accountability fosters trust, mutual respect, and a deeper connection, ensuring both partners contribute to a balanced, harmonious relationship. It helps prevent blame, resentment, and misunderstandings, creating a supportive environment where both individuals can grow and thrive together. Relationships are not 50/50, they are 100/100, with both individuals taking full accountability for the life they create together. 

Deep Hang

​Cultivating a deep friendship and a buddy/buddy hangout space with your partner is key to the longevity of the relationship because it builds a foundation of mutual enjoyment and companionship beyond romantic love. This friendship involves sharing interests, hobbies, and activities that both partners genuinely enjoy, creating a sense of camaraderie and fun. When partners can laugh together, engage in meaningful conversations, and enjoy each other's company as friends, it strengthens the emotional bond and resilience of the relationship. This deep friendship ensures that, even during challenging times, there is a strong connection based on respect, understanding, and shared experiences, which is crucial for maintaining a long-lasting and fulfilling partnership.

Intentional Love Juju

​Feelings follow actions, and when both partners in a relationship commit to doing small, thoughtful acts daily to activate the love juju, the relationship becomes a vibrant, fun, and sexy place to live. These little actions—like leaving sweet notes, planning surprise dates, expressing gratitude, or simply being present and attentive—nurture positive emotions and reinforce the bond. As each partner invests in these gestures, they create a ripple effect of affection and appreciation that keeps the relationship dynamic and fulfilling. This consistent focus on loving actions not only strengthens the emotional connection but also enhances intimacy and joy, making the partnership a delightful and deeply satisfying journey for both individuals.

Deep Comfort

​Deep comfort is key in a relationship because it creates a secure and nurturing environment where both partners feel understood and cared for. Learning exactly what your partner needs when they are feeling off and providing that support, whether it’s a listening ear, a comforting hug, or space to process their emotions, helps to strengthen the bond. This thoughtful approach prevents misunderstandings and defensiveness, ensuring that neither partner takes the other's struggles personally. Instead, it fosters empathy and compassion, allowing the relationship to bloom in a foundation of safety and mutual respect. When both partners can reliably offer and receive comfort, it builds trust and deepens emotional intimacy, essential for a thriving, long-term connection.

Last but not least; Honesty.  To me this is such a deal breaker, that I almost forgot to include it.  I require complete honesty in my relationships.  Hiding things, sweeping things under the rug, or being untruthful - those kinds of behaviors I simply don't tolerate.  Dishonestly is never going to build a close relationship. Period.