Letting Go of People in Your Past
One of my favorite quotes is, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." by Jim Rohn. I love this quote because it speaks to the influence that other people have on us. This process of taking on the vibration, characteristics, thoughts and beliefs of others happens mostly unconsciously. The fact is that by our very nature, we, as humans, exchange the very essence of our substances when we are in relationship with each other.
This is why it is imperative that we take great care with who you allow into our lives. Healthy people understand the need to create boundaries in order to express their truest, most authentic selves. Relationships are often characterized by layers of boundaries.
As you become the healthiest, most healed version of yourself, it is normal to continue to update your boundaries & the rules for what behaviors you allow in your life. It is natural to outgrow people and situations. Creating new "higher standards" for who you allow into your life is a sign that the investments you've been making in your personal growth are paying off.
(*Please note that having high standards for how people are allowed to interact with you allows you to increase the intimacy and vulnerability you have with others. With healthy boundaries you can actually be more authentic and present with other people in your life. I mention this because sometimes people get confused between having high standards and pushing people away to avoid emotional intimacy. That's something different, and not what I'm recommending.)
In a similar way, I adjust the rules for what behaviors I allow in each circle in response to the impact that circle has on my life. For example, in my Core Circle and Inner Circle, I absolutely don't accept dishonesty. Period. If you are repeatedly dishonest with me, then you move out to a distant circle. If you are allowed to influence me and the decisions that I make regarding my one precious life, then (hell, yes!) I require specific standards of behavior from you. That is how much I care about myself and the life that I'm creating.
Now, let's talk about that furthest outside circle, the 'Restricted' circle. This is for people who treat us in a way that creates harm or requires us to self abandon. For example, if someone repeatedly uses gaslighting behavior with me, or if someone has harmed me or a loved one and refuses to take accountability for that harm, that person is not allowed in my life. Unfortunately, this can sometimes be someone close to us. For me, this is my mom. That sucks, but in order to love myself and honor the life that I have worked hard to create, it is necessary.
As a highly sensitive person, empath, and introvert, building boundaries has been one of the most challenging areas of personal growth and development for me. I am a naturally compassionate person who feels everyTHING and everyONE, and for many years it felt unempathetic and unloving to have boundaries. As I healed and grew in my personal growth journey, I realized that the most loving thing that I can do for myself and others is define my edges with firm boundaries. If you identify and highly sensitive or empathetic, learning to establish healthy boundaries is especially important because of the high impact that other people have on you.
Even people who have been a core part of your past, aren't necessarily part of your destiny. One of the most powerful acts of self love in your life is building boundaries and regulating the impact that others have on you.
Mindy Amita Aisling
Life Coaching for Big-Hearted Overthinkers & Entreprenerds
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Mindy Amita Aisling, is a professionally trained and board-certified leadership, authenticity, and entrepreneur coach.
Mindy exceeds all requirements set forth by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) for Master Coach certification.
Mindy is also a licensed mediator, communications coach, and conflict resolution practicer. As a mediator, she has worked both in private practice and as a court appointment mediator at her local county courthouse.
Through her innovative approach, she assists clients in examining their limiting beliefs, questioning their assumptions about how the world works, and releasing the notion that they are anything less than perfect. As a result, individuals who work with Mindy cultivate the ability to stand firm in their beliefs, live authentically and decisively, and discover an experience of life that is easy and graceful.
In 2021, Mindy founded How to Be Human and Entreprenerd. These programs have enabled her to share her wisdom and knowledge with a broader audience in service of her vision of helping others live authentic lives This, in turn, has empowered more individuals to lead their most TRUE and COURAGEOUS lives.
When she is not working, Mindy can be found playing outdoors in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, creating art, spending time with friends & family, or with her nose deep in a book.
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