The 10 Stages of Personal Growth & Development

4/14/2023

The 10 Stages of Personal Growth & Development

Personal growth is anything that positively transforms your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being and brings you closer to who you truly are. Personal growth isn't just about learning - it involves applying the knowledge and skills that you learn so that they become a part of who you are.

A person's personal growth is a journey, and it is not always a linear one. When clients come to me, I assess where they are on their journey, whether they are at a particular stage for the first time, and what tools they need to move forward. There is no right or wrong, or good or bad to any of these stages. Certainly, some of them are more comfortable and enjoyable, but each stage holds value and purpose. These stages can be a description of where you are at overall in life, or a depiction of one particular area in your life. Sometimes, during our lives, we transform completely from head to toe, and other times, we may transform only a single area of our lives or a single role we play. Either way, the process is the same.

For a downloadable PDF of the chart below, click here.

Stage 1 - Unawareness
In this stage we haven't yet recognized that anything in our lives even could be different. In this stage, life (or a particular situation) is happening to us, and we are just operating day to day in a very functional way. This stage is often accompanied by feelings of apathy. depression, pessimism and confusion.

Stage 2 -Victim
During this stage, awareness arises that other people are experiencing life (or a particular situation) differently. During this stage, we often compare our selves to others and feel resentful that we are having a different, less desirable, experience. In this stage, we tend to look for something or someone to blame for where we are in life. This stage is often accompanied by feelings of resentment, guilt, elitism, and judgement.

Stage 3 - Anger
Anger is a higher vibration than victim, and as we move up into stage three, we begin to experience the powerful movement of anger and frustration in our lives This energetic movement will serve as a catalyst to the Stage 4. This is when we say, "Fuck it, it's got to get better than this!" This is when we draw a line in the sand, and demand that life gives us more. This is the stage where you stop putting up with bullshit in your life, and you start creating healthy boundaries. This stage is often accompanied by feelings of passion, pride, justice,

Stage 4 - Acceptance
This is the stage where we come home to the truth that it's all an inside job. If we want something different in our lives, then we have to be different. We have to show up differently in every damn minute of our lives. In every situation, every action, and every conversation. We accept the truth that this will require us to change our thoughts and challenge our belief systems. We realize that we must let go of who we thought we'd be in order to become the person we are. This stage is often accompanied by feelings of grief, sorrow, awe and wonder. This stage is rich with epiphanies (my favorite part).

Stage 5 - Clean-Up
This is the stage where you have to clean up all of the messes you made up to this point in your life. This could mean repairing relationships, having difficult and often uncomfortable conversations, leaving a situation that isn't working for you, paying off debts, making amends, and taking accountability (yup 100%) for every fucking situation of your life. In my opinion, this is the most difficult stage of the journey because due to lags in seeing results, you are still experiencing the results of your old life even though you are making new choices. I've seen this stage last a few weeks to several years. It all depends on how deep your clean-up needs to be. This stage requires you to fiercely belief in yourself. It is also extremely valuable if you find another person (coach, partner, friend) who agrees to fiercely believe in you regardless of your outcomes. This stage can often be a moment-to-moment focus as you dig in and begin to reconstruct your life. Stage 5 is often accompanied by feelings of frustration, shame, relief and levity.

Stage 6 - Self Discovery
This stage of the journey is when you discover yourself (for the first time, or the 50th time). During our lives, we are constantly evolving and we have the opportunity to deepen into who we really are over and over again. This is one of the most beautiful truths of being human. Stage 6 is my favorite stage!!! This stage is so much fun! This is where you go on an inner investigation of yourself and your life. You discover who you really are, and what you really need to be satisfied when it all ends. When you are on your deathbed, will you feel complete, fulfilled and ready to transition? As Seth Abbot so beautifully says, "When my body won't hold me anymore, and it finally lets me free.. will I be ready?" This stage is often accompanied by feelings of belonging, peace, deep joy, acceptance, and inspiration.

Stage 7 - New Habits & Routines
During stage seven, you design habits and routines that are perfect for you. Not what someone else told you that you "should" do, but this is the opportunity to really experiment and discover what activities make you feel most like, you. What combination of things allows the authentic, courageous you to flow through the haze of this human body and human life bullshit? Those are the things that you need to be doing. For me, it includes things like massive amounts of time alone, working out, nature, writing, deep conversations investigating the truth with other people in my tribe, great sex, tons of one-on-one emotional intimacy with the other humans in my life. These things bring out the most me in my life. New habits and routines are going to form the "launching pad" for the change that you're calling into your life. This stage is often accompanied by feelings of progress, hope, vision, and the feeling of being alive.

Stage 8 - Fortitude and Tenacity
Now that you know what you need, you must call upon your inner fortitude and tenacity because change is fucking hard! It's so god-damn hard, and it takes a 100% commitment to yourself to achieve the things you want to achieve and become the person that you want to become. It takes fortitude, tenacity, courage, discipline, experimentation, curiosity, and believing in yourself. This is the stage where you are, literally, pulling your future self into existence. So, yeah, it is going to take some grit. This grit already exists inside you, even if you never activated it before. Every human has it naturally built in, it only needs to be activated. This stage is often accompanied by feelings of power, vigor and definitiveness.

Stage 9 - Courageous Action
Now that you are clear on who you are now (at this stage in your life), it is time to go out into the world and take courageous action to create the life you want. In stage 8, you pulled your future self into existence. Now it's time to pull your future life (the life that you've been dreaming about) into existence. This sage requires support, brainstorming, balance, connection to self, intention, and presence.

Stage 10 - Resilience
Stage 10 is where you build your resilience. This requires a series of failures and successes, each time retaining clarity, focus and passion for where you are going and the person that you are becoming. This is the stage where you go out into the world, and you get knocked the fuck down, and then you get up with dirt on your hands and your needs, and you square your shoulders and you go back out into the world again to accomplish your vision. This stage requires accurate self-assessment, the ability to pivot quickly, self-trust, and deep connection to your inner self,

When we choose to lead bold, authentic lives not only do we find more joy and purpose, but we have a larger positive impact on the world. It is our purpose to live with purpose. Each of us has a unique, innate thing that drives us and makes us who we are. This is the space that we, as humans, need to cultivate to lead us in our lives. When we commit to living our lives authentically, they become an adventure, a game, filled with strategy and investigation - and it is so much fun.

The data is clear that speaking with an unbiased professional who is trained to ask deep questions to unlock your inner wisdom has the power to transform your life. We all need support on this human journey. It would be a f*cking honor to support you in your journey.

Seriously, let’s chat about this more. Together, during your free, no-obligation coaching session with can uncover where you are at in your journey, and what skills and tools you need to get to the next stage. In an introductory session, my goal is for both of us to decide if we are the right fit for working together, and if by building a strong coach-client relationship we can bring forward the truest, most beautiful, YOU.