'Being Right' Damages Relationships: The Greater Truth

Relationships thrive on understanding, compromise, and empathy. When individuals become entrenched in the belief that their opinions are absolute truths, while dismissing the perspectives of others as unequivocally wrong, it can inflict significant damage on those relationships. Being stuck in the notion of 'being right' erodes the foundations of healthy connection, and has a detrimental effect on communication. Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships, whether personal or professional. When individuals hold a rigid belief in their own moral superiority or correctness, it creates an environment of closed-mindedness and undermines meaningful dialogue.

Self-righteousness is defined as, "having or characterized by a certainty that one is totally correct."  I would describe it as, "lacking understanding regarding the difference between data and story, and believing that "your story" is "fact", or "the truth."

Self-righteousness breeds a closed-minded attitude that leaves little room for empathy, curiosity, or understanding. When individuals firmly believe they possess the ultimate truth or moral high ground, they tend to dismiss alternative perspectives. Consequently, conversations become one-sided and lack the necessary exchange of ideas, thus preventing growth, learning and connection. In professional relationships, a lack of openness inhibits the development of creative solutions and stifles collaboration, leading to interpersonal conflicts and stagnation.

​In personal relationships, self-righteousness blocks connection, and prevents accurately seeing the other persona and knowing who they really are in their most beautiful, authentic expression.  When one person adamantly insists on being right and disregards the other person's viewpoint, it creates an environment of hostility and defensiveness. The conversation becomes a battleground, with both parties striving to assert their correctness rather than engaging in a meaningful exchange of ideas. As a result, dialogue becomes superficial, leading to misunderstandings, resentment, and strained relationships.

Persistently maintaining the belief that you are right while dismissing others as wrong can erode trust and respect within a relationship. Trust is built on mutual understanding and acceptance, and respect is nurtured through valuing diverse perspectives. When one person dismisses the opinions or experiences of others, it sends a message that their thoughts and feelings are insignificant or unworthy of consideration, and that their experience isn't valid. Over time, this damages the foundation of trust and respect, making it difficult for the relationship to thrive.

Self-righteousness often manifests as judgment and condescension towards others. Those trapped in their own righteousness tend to view opposing viewpoints as inferior or flawed. This judgmental attitude alienates others and creates a hostile atmosphere, discouraging open communication. People become defensive when they sense condescension, and as a result, constructive dialogue becomes nearly impossible. The focus shifts from understanding and cooperation to proving one's superiority, further widening the communication gap.

I love the quote (to the left) by Brene Brown.  In the same way, I believe that truly loving someone is cherishing and delighting in their differences rather then tolerating their differences.  Let's face it, when someone is tolerating us and not really accepting us, we can feel it.  They energy of judgement or toleration can infect a relationship with an illness that it is often unable to recover from. 
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When an individual takes a self-righteous, moral high ground, they enter into the make-believe land of "right" and "wrong".  When we live in this land, we are unable to truly accept others or admit our own shortcomings.  

We look for someone to blame, or we defend ourselves against being blamed.  Self-righteousness breeds disconnection in a relationship. 

Staying firmly entrenched in the belief that one is right creates an emotional disconnect within the relationship. By refusing to acknowledge and validate the other person's viewpoint, you fail to empathize with their emotions and experiences. This emotional disconnect can lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness, as the other person feels unheard and invalidated. Over time, the emotional distance grows, making it challenging to sustain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. 

​Empathy is an essential component of effective communication. However, self-righteousness hampers the ability to empathize with others' experiences and perspectives. When individuals consider themselves morally superior, they may dismiss or belittle the emotions and experiences of those who disagree with them. ​This lack of empathy can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and broken relationships. Successful communication requires genuine efforts to understand and acknowledge the feelings and viewpoints of others, even if they differ from our own.

Additionally, self-righteousness often causes individuals to resist or disregard feedback and constructive criticism. When people believe they are always right, they are less likely to engage in introspection and self-improvement. Consequently, communication becomes stagnant, as growth and development are hindered by the unwillingness to consider alternative perspectives. True progress is only possible when we are open to feedback and willing to challenge our own beliefs and biases.

Overcoming Self-Righteousness:

• Cultivate Curiosity: Recognize that nobody possesses the absolute truth and that there is always room for growth and learning. Embrace curiosity as a vital quality in fostering open-mindedness and respectful communication. (More on cultivating curiosity here)
• Educate Yourself:  Learn how your story is made and understand why you (based on your unique filter) tend to tell yourself a particular story.  Learn more about how to recognize your story in by downloading the DIY Coaching Course The Stories We Tell Ourselves. 
• Practice Being "The Watcher":  Investigate yourself and your experiences by creating space between your thoughts, feelings and reactions and the real you, also called consciousness, higher self. soul, or authentic self.   (More on being 'the watcher' here)
• Learn Active Listening: Make a conscious effort to listen attentively and without judgment. Seek to understand others' perspectives fully before formulating a response. This approach encourages empathy and creates a safe space for open dialogue. (For more on active listening, click here)
• Encourage Dialogue: Create an environment that fosters respectful conversation, where individuals feel comfortable expressing their opinions and experiences. Encourage others to share their viewpoints, even if they differ from your own.
• Engage in Self-Reflection: Regularly reflect on your beliefs and biases. Challenge yourself to consider alternative perspectives and be open to adjusting your viewpoints based on new information or insights. (For more on Self-Reflection, click here)
• Embrace Constructive Criticism: View feedback as an opportunity for personal growth rather than an attack on your beliefs. Practice receiving feedback with an open mind and use it to enhance your understanding and communication skills.

The rigid belief that one is right and the other is wrong can seriously damage relationships. We can foster stronger, healthier connections by understanding the consequences of this mindset and implementing strategies to cultivate open-mindedness, active listening, empathy, and constructive dialogue. Remember, relationships thrive on mutual respect, understanding, and a willingness to acknowledge and embrace different perspectives.