A Blog for Big-Hearted Overthinkers

In a world filled with constant noise, distractions, and demands, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and depleted, constantly on the defensive as we react to the stimuli bombarding us from all directions. But what if there was another way to navigate life? What if, instead of constantly being on the defense, we learned to cultivate our offense – tapping into our inner wisdom, intuition, and power to navigate the world with clarity and purpose?

The concept of cultivating offense in our lives is about taking proactive steps to empower ourselves and set the tone for our day. It's about reclaiming our time and energy, creating space for self-reflection, growth, and connection. And while the world may try to pull us into a perpetual state of reactivity, experts recommend starting each day on the offense – prioritizing moments of stillness, silence, and introspection before diving into the chaos of daily life.

One powerful way to cultivate offense is by starting your day without the distractions of phones, screens, news, or external input for the first hour. This intentional practice allows you to create a sacred space for yourself, free from the external noise and demands that often dictate our lives. Instead of immediately succumbing to the pressures and expectations of the outside world, you give yourself the gift of time and space to connect with your inner self, tapping into your intuition and wisdom.

During this precious hour of offense, you may choose to engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul – whether it's journaling, meditation, yoga, or simply enjoying a leisurely breakfast in silence. By starting your day on the offense, you set a powerful intention for the rest of your day, empowering yourself to approach challenges with clarity, confidence, and resilience.

Cultivating offense is not about shutting out the world or retreating into isolation; rather, it's about finding balance between external engagement and internal reflection. Throughout the day, as you navigate the inevitable challenges and distractions that come your way, you can draw upon the inner strength and wisdom cultivated during your morning offense practice.

In addition to starting your day on the offense, you can also incorporate moments of offense throughout your day – whether it's taking short breaks to pause, breathe, and recenter, or engaging in activities that bring you joy, inspiration, and fulfillment. By consciously carving out time for offense amidst the busyness of life, you reclaim your power and agency, no longer merely reacting to external circumstances but actively shaping your own experience.

Ultimately, cultivating offense is about empowering yourself to live a life of purpose, presence, and authenticity. It's about reclaiming your time and energy, setting boundaries, and prioritizing what truly matters to you. By embracing the power of offense, you can navigate life with greater clarity, confidence, and resilience, unlocking the full potential of your inner wisdom and intuition.

Embracing kindness as an active daily practice can have a profound impact on our lives, transforming how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world around us. From small acts of self-care to gestures of love and compassion towards others, daily kindness has the power to enrich our lives in countless ways.

Kindness, in its simplest form, is about extending care, consideration, and empathy to ourselves and others. It's about taking the time to nurture and nourish our own well-being, as well as uplifting and supporting those around us. And while kindness can manifest in a myriad of ways, both big and small, the key is consistency – making a conscious effort to infuse our daily lives with acts of kindness, no matter how seemingly insignificant.

For some, kindness may look like taking extra time to prepare a comforting cup of chai, infused with fragrant spices and topped with steamed milk – a simple yet indulgent treat that nourishes the body and soul. For others, it may mean treating oneself to a pair of soft, fuzzy socks to wear around the house, providing warmth and comfort on even the chilliest of days.

Similarly, extending kindness to loved ones can take many forms. For a spouse, it may involve offering a soothing shoulder massage throughout the day or surprising them with a freshly brewed cup of coffee in bed – gestures of love and appreciation that strengthen the bonds of connection and intimacy. For a child, kindness may entail sending silly memes to brighten their day or sharing a special outing together, like a special picnic lunch – moments of joy and togetherness that create lasting memories and deepen bonds.

The beauty of daily kindness lies in its versatility and adaptability. It is not bound by rules or expectations but rather thrives in the spontaneity and creativity of everyday life. Whether it's holding the door open for a stranger, offering a listening ear to a friend in need, or simply smiling at a passerby, each act of kindness has the power to ripple outwards, spreading warmth and positivity wherever it goes.

But perhaps the most profound impact of a daily kindness practice is the way it transforms our relationship with life itself. As we make kindness a priority in our daily lives, we begin to slow down and savor each moment, no longer feeling like life is happening to us but rather that we are actively living our lives. We become more attuned to the beauty and abundance that surrounds us, finding joy and fulfillment in the simple pleasures of everyday existence.

As human beings, we have a natural inclination to make sense of the world around us. We create narratives to give our lives structure and meaning, weaving stories that explain who we are, how we got here, and where we're going. However, too often, these inner narratives are tinged with negativity, judgment, and criticism, leading us down a path of self-doubt and insecurity. But what if we were to embrace the power of "I don't know" and let go of these harmful stories?

The truth is, uncertainty is an inherent part of the human experience. Life is unpredictable, and we cannot possibly know all the answers or control every outcome. Yet, when faced with the unknown, our minds often rush to fill the void with stories – stories about ourselves, about others, about the world around us. These stories can be helpful in making sense of our experiences, but they can also be limiting and destructive when they are based on fear, judgment, or misconception.

When we choose to separate ourselves from these negative narratives and respond to the world with curiosity and presence, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. Embracing the "huh" or "I don't know" allows us to let go of the need to have all the answers and instead approach life with a sense of openness and wonder.

Imagine, for a moment, a scenario where you find yourself in a challenging situation. Your mind immediately begins to spin a narrative about what's happening – perhaps it's a story about how you're not good enough, how others are judging you, or how the world is conspiring against you. But instead of getting caught up in this negative narrative, you pause and say to yourself, "I don't know."
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By acknowledging the uncertainty of the situation and resisting the urge to attach a story to it, you create space for something new to emerge. This space is filled with curiosity, possibility, and freedom from judgment. You become an observer of your thoughts and experiences rather than a slave to them, allowing yourself to respond to life with greater clarity and compassion.

When we embrace the power of "I don't know," we loosen the grip of judgment and criticism – both of ourselves and others. We recognize that everyone is on their own journey, grappling with their own uncertainties and insecurities. Instead of jumping to conclusions or making assumptions, we approach each moment with an attitude of humility and empathy.

In a world that often seems to value perfection and flawlessness, the concept of embracing imperfection may seem radical. Yet, the truth is that perfection is an unattainable standard that only leads to frustration, anxiety, and self-doubt. As human beings, we are inherently flawed and messy creatures, and it is through embracing our imperfections, both in ourselves and others, that we can find true peace and joy.

It is unnatural for human beings to be perfect. We are meant to be messy, to stumble and fall, to make mistakes, and to learn and grow from them. Each of us carries within us a unique set of strengths and weaknesses, quirks and idiosyncrasies, virtues and vices. We all have moments of brilliance and moments of failure, moments of clarity and moments of confusion. And yet, it is precisely this messiness that makes us human, that gives our lives depth and richness, and that connects us to one another in our shared humanity.

When we learn to embrace imperfection in ourselves and others, we free ourselves from the burden of judgment and criticism. We recognize that everyone is messy, everyone is annoying, and everyone makes mistakes. We let go of the need to constantly strive for an unattainable ideal of perfection and instead embrace our imperfect selves with compassion and acceptance.

Embracing imperfection does not mean settling for mediocrity or complacency. Rather, it means acknowledging our limitations and shortcomings while still striving to be the best version of ourselves. It means embracing vulnerability and authenticity, owning our mistakes and flaws, and learning and growing from them. It means cultivating self-compassion and extending that same compassion to others, recognizing that we are all on this messy journey of life together.

When we embrace imperfection, we create space in our lives for peace and joy to flourish. By letting go of the need to control and micromanage every aspect of our lives, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and experiences. We allow ourselves to be fully present in the moment, to savor the beauty and wonder of life, and to appreciate the imperfect beauty of ourselves and others.

In the words of the great Brené Brown, "Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together." When we embrace imperfection, we embrace our shared humanity, with all its messiness and complexity. We recognize that it is our imperfections that make us beautiful, that give our lives meaning and purpose, and that connect us to one another in profound and meaningful ways.

In a world that glorifies productivity and busyness, the concept of doing nothing may seem counterintuitive. Yet, in the Dutch culture, there exists a word that encapsulates the art of purposefully doing nothing: Niksen. Derived from the Dutch verb "niks," meaning "nothing," Niksen refers to the practice of simply being, without any specific purpose or goal. While it may sound like idleness, Niksen is far from laziness; rather, it is a deliberate and mindful act of relaxation that holds profound benefits for our mental well-being.

From a neurobiological standpoint, engaging in Niksen can have a significant impact on our nervous system. In our fast-paced society, the constant barrage of stimuli can overwhelm our senses and trigger the body's stress response. This chronic state of stress can lead to a variety of physical and mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.

However, when we practice Niksen, we allow our nervous system to enter a state of relaxation known as the parasympathetic mode. This is the body's natural counterpart to the stress response, promoting rest, digestion, and restoration. As we embrace moments of purposeful inactivity, our heart rate slows, our muscles relax, and our breathing becomes deeper and more rhythmic. This physiological shift not only promotes relaxation in the moment but also has long-term benefits for our overall health and well-being.

Moreover, Niksen can also enhance our mental clarity and confidence. In a world filled with constant noise and distraction, taking time to do nothing allows us to quiet the mind and cultivate inner stillness. This state of mental calmness enables us to gain perspective, process our thoughts and emotions, and tap into our intuition.

In the words of A.A. Milne's beloved characters Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin, Niksen is akin to "going along listening to all the things you can't hear and not bothering." In a conversation between Pooh and Christopher Robin, Pooh asks, "Christopher Robin, what is doing nothing?" To which Christopher replies, "It means going along listening to all the things you can't hear and not bothering." This exchange beautifully captures the essence of Niksen: the art of being fully present in the moment, attuned to the subtle nuances of our surroundings, without the need to constantly engage or react.

However, it's essential to note that true Niksen cannot be achieved while mindlessly scrolling through our phones or passively watching television. While these activities may provide temporary distraction, they do not allow our minds to truly rest and recharge. Instead, they often perpetuate the cycle of overstimulation and reinforce unhealthy habits of avoidance and escapism.

Check out the Pogo song, Boy and Bear (one of my favorites!)
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When we go after our goals, it's inevitable that we will encounter challenges along the way. These hurdles can range from minor setbacks to seemingly insurmountable obstacles, testing our resolve and determination. Yet, how we perceive and approach these challenges can make all the difference between success and stagnation.

Many of us embark on a journey towards a goal with enthusiasm and determination, only to falter when faced with the first signs of difficulty. We may find ourselves questioning our abilities, fearing failure, or succumbing to the allure of comfort and familiarity. In these moments, it's tempting to throw in the towel and abandon our aspirations altogether.

However, what if we were to view challenges not as roadblocks, but as integral parts of the journey towards our goals? What if, instead of being discouraged by setbacks, we saw them as opportunities for growth and learning? This shift in mindset can be transformative, empowering us to navigate obstacles with resilience and determination.

When we set a goal, whether it's pursuing a new career, starting a business, or achieving a personal milestone, we must acknowledge that challenges will inevitably arise. Rather than viewing these challenges as deterrents, we can choose to anticipate and embrace them as part of the process. By identifying potential obstacles upfront, we can better prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally for the journey ahead.

For example, imagine someone who dreams of running a marathon. Instead of naively assuming that the path will be smooth sailing, they recognize that training for a marathon will require dedication, discipline, and perseverance. They anticipate challenges such as physical fatigue, mental exhaustion, and unexpected setbacks. Armed with this awareness, they approach their training regimen with a sense of purpose and determination, knowing that each obstacle they overcome brings them one step closer to their goal.

Similarly, in the realm of entrepreneurship, aspiring business owners often face numerous challenges on the road to success. From securing funding and attracting customers to navigating market fluctuations and competition, the entrepreneurial journey is fraught with obstacles. Yet, those who thrive in this environment are not deterred by adversity; rather, they embrace it as an integral part of the entrepreneurial process.

Engaging in in-the-moment updates, where you consciously reprogram negative self-talk into positive and empowering thoughts, can lead to significant changes in the neural pathways of your brain. This process is rooted in the concept of neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to reorganize and form new connections in response to experience and learning. When you intentionally interrupt negative thought patterns and replace them with more positive ones, you activate specific neural circuits associated with language, emotion regulation, and self-perception. With repetition, these new neural pathways become stronger and more ingrained, making it easier to default to positive self-talk in similar situations in the future. Over time, this rewiring of the brain leads to a fundamental shift in your inner dialogue, fostering greater self-esteem, resilience, and overall well-being. By actively shaping your thoughts in the present moment, you're literally rewiring your brain to support a more positive and empowering mindset, ultimately transforming how you perceive yourself and the world around you.

Here are three examples of how you can apply this technique in different areas of your life:

1. You've just received constructive feedback from your boss during a performance review. Negative Self-Talk: "I'm such a failure. I can't believe I messed up again. I'll never be good enough." Positive Reprogramming: "Receiving feedback is an opportunity for growth. I appreciate the chance to learn and improve. I'm capable of overcoming challenges and becoming even better at my job."
2. You and your spouse have a disagreement about household responsibilities. Negative Self-Talk: "I always mess things up. I'm such a burden. I'm not a good partner." Positive Reprogramming: "It's normal to have disagreements. I'm capable of communicating my needs and finding solutions together. I'm a valuable and supportive partner."
3. You've made plans to meet up with a friend, but they cancel last minute. Negative Self-Talk: "Nobody cares about me. I must be unimportant. I'll always be alone." Positive Reprogramming: "Life happens, and plans change. I understand that my friend has their reasons. I'm surrounded by people who care about me, and I'm capable of finding joy and connection in other ways."

In each scenario, the negative self-talk reflects a mindset of self-doubt, blame, or unworthiness. By practicing in-the-moment updates, you can interrupt these patterns and replace them with thoughts that are more compassionate, empowering, and aligned with your true worth and potential. This technique allows you to take control of your inner dialogue and cultivate a mindset that supports your well-being and personal growth.

Each person has a unique filter in their brain that interprets and organizes the vast amount of data received from the world around us. This filter, often shaped by our past experiences, beliefs, and perceptions, creates a narrative that influences our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This narrative forms the basis of our inner voice, shaping how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world.

If we desire to change our inner voice, it's essential to investigate what is on our filter – the beliefs, assumptions, and interpretations that have been ingrained over time. This involves examining the origins of these beliefs and questioning whether they are truly aligned with our authentic selves.

For example, if our filter includes beliefs such as "I'm not worthy of love" or "I'll never succeed," we can trace these beliefs back to specific experiences or messages we received in the past. By understanding the root causes of these beliefs, we can begin to challenge and replace them with new, more empowering beliefs that are in alignment with our true selves.

Replacing old beliefs with new ones requires conscious effort and intentionality. It involves actively choosing to adopt beliefs that support our growth, well-being, and self-acceptance. Affirmations, positive self-talk, and cognitive-behavioral techniques can be powerful tools in this process, helping to rewire the neural pathways in our brain and create a more positive and empowering inner dialogue.

As we replace old beliefs with new ones, we gradually shift the narrative on our filter, creating a more authentic and empowering story that reflects our true worth, potential, and essence. This process of self-inquiry and transformation allows us to break free from limiting beliefs and embrace a new narrative that aligns with our highest vision for ourselves. By consciously shaping our inner voice, we empower ourselves to live more fully, authentically, and joyfully.

I have an entire DIY course on this topic if you want to investigate your filter! CLICK HERE